Day 122: The Spell of the Spelling Words

We are using BJU Bob Jones University for our Spelling curriculum. We really like it and we will continue to use it for the years to come. It works for us, both me as the teacher and Coqui as the student. One list per week, and the kids learn to use the words in context, proofreading, and dictionary skills. It shows that those spelling words are not just words put into a list but that spelling has a purpose in life.

So for a while, we've been working on learning to think about the way the words are spelled, and why. I keep telling him to think about the root word and what else has happened to the word, like a prefix or a suffix or a tense change. So today, for the second time, during a spelling test, he's taken to a piece of scrap paper and trying out different ways to spell a word that he is not sure about. And for about half the time, it has worked for him. He spelled it correctly.

This is it! These are those little milestones that make me jump for joy. When our learning has reached a new level. I don't want him to drill the spelling words for one week and then forget about them. That would not serve him for life. But thinking why and how..... YES! This is it.

Super proud of him for this. And for being able to skip spelling lists here and there, because he already knows how to spell all the words. We are down to our last list of the year. We are excited about finishing the book and taking a break.

Day 90: Going to church

The kids really dressed up for church today. Their aunt and uncle came with us, too. So it made for a very nice family outing. My two oldest really love going to our church, they love their classes, their friends, and their teachers. (I am one of them, ;-).)

It was an awesome morning, here is why. My Munchkin doesn't like to go to church. Yep, she doesn't like to go to her class. We can not figure out why because she used to like it, and she loves to go to our bible club class. So Sunday mornings are crazy. First we need to make it to church, and then we have a toddler who cries the moment we turn the corner of the church. We had gotten so good that she didn't cry until we stood in front of her room.

Well, today was different. Maybe she decided to become a big girl. But she refused to hold my hand crossing the parking lot. Then she marched right up to her room and went in. She did turn around and looked at me, not sure for a moment, but then she went right on playing. Wow. This was huge! We were so happy. It made going to church a lot less stressful on us. Yeah, for our big girl.

Filling the empty picture frame with ME

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and He heard my cry." (Psalm 40:1)

Everybody wants to know who they are and what their purpose is in life. As a believer, one can go to God and simply ask: 'Who am I, Lord?'  Sometimes, we get a quick answer, and sometimes it takes years. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear, and sometimes it's a surprise. But God always answers, we just need to listen.

Patience is rare these days, and I am not always good at exercising it myself. Going through this transformation, I have gotten impatient, frustrated, and even close to giving up. My endurance and hope have paid of - I can tangibly feel that I had a major break-through, and God answered some of my prayers. Hallelujah.

In the last couple of weeks, I have gotten quite a few revelations about myself, in trying to figure out and accept who I am, trying to love myself, and working on reprogramming my 'software'. It's hard work, to get rid of old habits and start new ones - but it's worth it. And it is quite satisfying to get an affirmation from the Almighty about the good things in me.

Some people might be scared by the thought that God knows everything about them (after all, He created each and every one of us), but I am not. I find comfort in Isaiah 49:15-16 "I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands." That is personal. God knows who I am, what my struggles are, my hurts, and joys. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He can help me turn those weak spots into virtues that will make me more Christ-like.

Our pastor started a new series the other Sunday with this: every story has the same components: a great opening line, some event, someone evil, a journey, and, of course, a hero. That made me think about my own life and how I ought to look at it. My life has a great opening line: 'I was born'. There have been many days in my past when I wished I was never born. Life seemed too hard to manage. That was before the hero of my story came into my life: my Lord and Savior. So who or rather what is the evil? It's my past! The past that I need to overcome! And it's satan that still tries to nag on my conscience in trying to put me down, because he is so scared that I might succeed in never being able to be tempted by him ever again.

So who am I?

I am a very passionate person. When I love, I love with ALL my heart. I do act upon my feelings, which makes me do stupid things, or daring things. I can act impulsive and emotionally. But I am never lacking passion. Love is like a deep wound, and if I get hurt - it takes me a long time to get over it. Yet I find comfort in knowing that I gave my very best, my all, my entire Me, with love - I didn't do it halfway. I don't want to have the attitude that people are replaceable. They are - we all know that - but going through life like that seems rather uncaring for the people around me. I love.

I LOVE God with all my heart and soul and mind. He is my heavenly Father and I am honored to be called His child. I love my husband and I know that we are meant for each other. Sometimes when I think that we don't fit together, I just look at him and I don't care what my brain tells me, I know what my heart says: that I love him. I love my kids, and would lay down my life for them. I want the very best for them.

God also showed me that I am the best mother I can be. My days are tiring and exhausting sometimes, and there are a few moments when I wish I could just be by myself and didn't have to act upon each and every request my children ask of me. But then I remember that this will only last for a short while - one day they will need me less, and that is okay then. For now, we spend pretty much every waking hour together as a family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a survivor, I am constantly reminded that my kids might only get to be with me for a short time. I would want to be remembered as the loving, involving, and caring mother that I think I am.

God has assured me on multiple occasions that homeschooling is the best for us. He has said so before I even started it, and has confirmed it since. And He has brought the Hubby on my side as well. We are now one team pulling together and making decisions together, teaching together, and raising our children to be the best they can be. It is so much fun and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.

For anybody that knows me, knows that I am a very truthful person. I can't lie - I turn red and show all the physical signs of lying. I am just 'what you see is what you get'. Trying to appear as something that I am not seems way too much work for me anyways. I have many mistakes but I am standing up for them. And I am willing to change, to constantly work on myself to be more Christ-like. I am a constant construction site, or a piece of art that only will be finished when I enter through heaven's gates.

Our church did a series on the 'suitcases' that we all carry around with us, in form of unforgiveness or pride or hurt from rejections, abuse, failures, mistakes in the past, etc.... God's message was that we need to get rid of that 'carry-on' in order to move on. It was perfect timing for my transformation, especially the last sermon when the pastor even quoted from the book that started all of it. But I also learned that I have a problem..... it's forgiveness or rather my inability to forgive. Ouch!!! That was hard to digest. Me? Could it be? After much soul searching, I had to agree. Past hurts are still there and I need to learn how to forgive for MY own sake. So my new challenge is just that!

Recently, I had a big breakthrough while on the phone with my mom. It started out as one of those phone calls that I couldn't avoid because she is the kids' grandmother, so I chatted away about them and other not-so-important things. Then it started again.... those good-meant advises that I am so unwilling to hear, especially as they are only in her interest and not in mine or the kids. They are also self-centered and guilt-driven. I was about to get all defensive again, when God put His hand - literally - over my mouth, and said to me to be gentle and show her His true love. It worked! I was trying to be the better person, showing her mercy and grace. At the end, I could hang up the phone with a smile, not with a grudge. God is awesome.

And if you didn't realize that yet, I am also weird - or should I call it peculiar!? God taught me to love myself as an 'outsider'. As a matter of fact, I have come to love Me as ab-normal. I want to stand out with stuff that not everybody does. I love that my kids are homeschooled and do not fall into the peer pressure trap with clothes and TV shows and all that stuff that is oh-so-unimportant. They will grow up in a family where family time is the most important way to spend our days. We will teach them that being different is a good thing, not a bad label. I like that I am a little rebel and that I am not just flowing with the crowd, but rather would go against it. It makes me stronger. It teaches me to stand up for myself, when nobody else does. It brings out the person that God wants me to be, not what others expect of me. Truth be told, I rather try to impress my Savior than anybody on this earth.

So I am learning to make courageous choices, which means to do the right thing even when it is unpopular and/or unexpected. Now, instead of walking with my head between my shoulders, I think of the impact I might have on someone that needs a little pick-up. I try to remember that God put me here for a reason and that was not to hide within myself but to share my story - because my story is one full of God's mercy and grace, of His love for me and His many blessings. It's a story that I want to tell over and over because it shows that in today's world, miracles still DO happen.

Parts of my story can be read all over my blog, but foremost in the following posts:
- How we got here...
- New Hope - announcing baby #2 is on the way
- The Medical Side of a Surrogate Carrier
- the birth story of our second miracle: It's a ....
- How and why I became a Free-gan
- My Dream List, also known as To-Do-List or Bucket List
- Why we are homeschooling
- 100 reasons why I love my husband
- How I spent 9/11 and what it means to me
- Trying to figure out Who I Am
- Announcing Baby #3 is on the way
- My first Half-Marathon
- Arrival of Baby to make us a family of Five
- My post about the debate of breast milk vs. formula and being blessed
- finally the original post of how this transformation got started
- and my last post on this series: Hope and Encouragement

Lifelist Accomplishment #10

Lifelist # 10 - "Visited Ground Zero"

Last year, I wrote a post about the Hurtful Memory of September 11th, for the ten year anniversary. I wrote about where I was and what I did. Well, I was traveling on that very impressive tour around the US. As awesome as this was, I did want to go home. After that fateful morning, it was hard to return 'home' - what was then New Jersey. But nonetheless, we had to take the car and just go, go see how it would look....

And sure enough, we got to see.... not without tears in our eyes, not without dust taste in our mouth, not without the many fliers around the city that were a constant reminder that people had died and loved ones were still looking for them. It was awful.

So yes, I have seen Ground Zero. I have seen it a week after it happened.. I have seen it six months later when the light towers were celebrating the six months anniversary. I have seen it many times, over and over. I went to the FDNY Memorial Wall. 

I went to the St. Paul's Chapel that has become a museum today.

And here is one more picture from the new World Trade Center, now called Freedom Towers.

The day of the BIG firsts

Today seems to be the day of the big announcements and Firsts at our house. First, I wrote about Peanut's success in potty training this morning (here).

Munchkin right before the blowout....

Then I want to tell you about the major poopie blowout that my youngest had this afternoon. This IS worth mentioning, because for a while I was very concerned that this little girl would only go poop once (yes, just one time) a day! In case you don't know this, it is very unusual behavior for a newborn. So when this happened today, I was very excited..... yes, about poop!!!

She also started to pull herself up - you know, with her head when I pull on her arms. She is one strong little girl.

The next major thing that happen today, happened to my oldest. He has been anticipating this for a long time.
We are talking about teeth. Old ones and new ones.
He has been having two new teeth coming in on the bottom of his mouth. When he realized this, he thought, the tooth fairy would come immediately. We all know, this is not how it works. So we had to explain it to him. He was bummed, but nonetheless, waited for the day to find out that his 'old' teeth would start to wiggle. Which they did soon.....

.... until tonight, when the first tooth finally came out! Yes, he lost his very first tooth today.
It had been wiggly for a while, but since this early afternoon, he kept saying that it wiggles more. So Mami started to wiggle and pull, and sure enough, I felt it give way under my fingers. So I encouraged him to do some more of that. Then Daddy got his hands on him, when it started to bleed. It wasn't until teeth brushing time tonight at bedtime, that he let Daddy do the final pull!

You can imagine how thrilled he was. At bedtime, we read "Franklin and the Tooth Fairy". He then wrapped the tooth in a tissue and put it under his pillow. I am not sure how he fell asleep but he did..... I can not wait to see his face in the morning!

And here is the picture to proof it:

Update on the potty training

This seems to be a huge issue in our house in the last year or so. Let me summarize where I left off...... I had a girl that refused to use the potty, even though she very well knew how to use it. Also she didn't want to go number two at all (see here!). Well, we all know that it DID come out eventually, but what a fight! Frustrating and painful at the same time.

Well, pretty much after finishing the post and posting it, things changed around here. She wanted to keep wearing her undies, so she stopped peeing in them. Yes, she still has some accidents, but mostly, we are in underwear ALL day, EVERY day! Yippy!!!

For a while, she would ask for a diaper in order to go number two, and that was okay with me. I just wanted to send her the message, that the poopies need to come out, one way or another! And I think she got it......

For the past week, we had even more success! She went number two on the potty for four days in a row! I am so proud of her!!! She was so happy to see how little it hurt and how easy it was to just get it out on the potty instead of having a red butt all day long. She got her reward and was happy all day! She did sit for a little while, and I did have to encourage her to stay on the toilet, but.... eventually, she got the job done.

AND, the story is not over yet - if she does wear a diaper, she holds her pee. She really doesn't want to use it anymore! Yeah. AND she is dry most nights! I can actually finally see an end to this.....

I don't want to jump the gun yet, but maybe, just maybe I have a fully potty trained child on my hands! That would be so awesome, before I have to go right back to diapering around the clock with a newborn! Wow. And I am soooo happy!

Lifelist Accomplishment #20

Lifelist #20 - "Been in a Rain Forest"

At first, I was not sure what to think of a rainforest. I mean where I come from, there is just none nowhere near my town, region, or actually country! I am not a big fan of rain, so a rainforest doesn't sound that inviting to me. Also, I don't like bugs or little critters, and my image was a crawling floor with birds flying all around.

Reality was not quite like that at all. It was in Puerto Rico in 2010, when we went to El Yunque for a day trip. It was inviting, clean and no bugs at all. Almost disappointing 'normal'.  One of the magazines quoted it as an excellent first encounter because it is a 'very gentle forest'. Yes, it was!

It was a beautiful experience. We saw many, many waterfalls, took a hike down and up a trail, and saw lots of magnificent flowers of all colors, trees that I had never seen before, and a few frogs present along the trail.

I will return and maybe climb one the summits.

Lifelist Accomplishment #34

Lifelist #34 "Be a mom"

I did not always want to be a mom, but eventually, I came around, got married, and once I was under that 'roof', I wanted to have children immediately. It didn't work out right away, but the third try was a charm.....

....I was able to carry my first-born to term, and to prove it, here is a picture of me about a week before he was born. I was biiiiig!

He was a handsome little man back then.

And he is an energetic five and half year old now!

Lifelist Accomplishment #35

Lifelist #35 "Bathed in a hot spring"

It was on that same trip around the US in the summer of 2001 - I am truly blessed that I have seen that much of this country. It's a beautiful country to love and to travel through. So we went to the hot springs by Yellowstone National Park. Located along the 45th Parallel of Latitude, halfway between Equator and North Pole - pretty cool! It was later in the day and a bath after a day of adventures just sounded too good to deny.

Yes, that's me in the pink bathing suit. Where we are standing, it was soooo cold, and then just a few feet away, it got hotter and hotter. Total weird feeling to have water of different temperatures swooshing by you constantly.

Lifelist Accomplishment #6

Lifelist # 6 - "Gone skydiving"

This one was a once-in-a-lifetime event. I am not sure if I had the guts to do it today. But when one is young and courageous and has no family of its own, things seem less threatening, I guess.

So I signed my life away one early morning in late August of 2001. I was traveling all around the US, and what would be better than to do it in the desert near Las Vegas. I had talked to my parents on the way, NOT telling them what I was about to do....

This is me in the little airplane that brings you up to about 10.000 feet. Ten thousand feet doesn't sound high, but when my co-flyer asked me to put my foot out of the airplane, I just refused. So he had to give me just a little push-over.... and out we were..... FLYING!

At first, I was not sure if I would be able to breathe so high up in thin air. But after a few gentle gulps, I realized that it was a fabulous feeling to fly. I totally enjoyed soaring through the air towards earth. After only ten minutes or so, it was all over - unfortunately. I can see how people get addicted to this. I think I could, too..... if I hadn't three children now!

So one more picture, the aftermath:

Life is good.

Lifelist accomplishments #17

So I was thinking that it would be fun to run a series about all the accomplishments that I mentioned on my Lifelist about a year ago.

Today, I thought I'd share number 17 with you: "Ridden on a San Francisco cable car"

My First Half-Marathon

As I am sitting here, trying to wrap my thoughts around the fact that I just finished my first half-marathon this morning, I have to admit that I am pretty whiped out. But I am definitely happy that I did it and it was for a good 'cause'. But let me start with the reason why I did this massive race today.

When we started talking about Beth carrying our baby last year, she had issues with her legs that afflicted her running. She had to stop and that was hard for her. Now, today, I DO believe that it was God trying to get her ready for a pregnancy where her focus would be more on growing a baby inside of her, and less on her running. I also believe that once the baby is done 'baking' and ready to enter the world, God will give her full healing, so she can go back to what she liked doing: running. So last year in January, she ran this half-marathon..... this year she is not able to do so.

So I made a 'deal' with her: on the day of our pregnancy test, I would sign up for that race, and either we run it together (in case of a negative test), or I would run it for her! Yep.... I thought of it as my (little) sacrifice of my body for what she is doing with her body right now..... We got a positive pregnancy test, so I had to run it by myself, for her. It's a great cause!

I knew I wanted two things to happen on race day: run the entire time, no matter how slow, and make it to the finish line. I did both!
So I ran the entire 13.1 miles from start to finish! No water breaks, no bath room breaks, no walking. I ran slow, NO, really slow! But I made it. I made it to the finish line at a decent time. Also, I like to convert it to kilometers, just because it sounds like so much more; so 13.1 miles are 21.08 kms - awesome! I am pretty proud of myself for accomplishing that today.

Now I said I ran it for her, right? So in advance, I made a sign that I was going to wear on my back on race day. I am sure you all know, when you do cancer runs and walks, there are always lots of pictures 'in honor of' or 'in memory of' someone. Well, I ran for a live person, I ran for my best friend because she couldn't do it because she is busy 'baking' a little blessing. Here is my sign:

I got lots of encouraging words throughout the run, words that blessed me and reminded me of why I was running and that I needed to keep going. "That is so awesome." or "That's cool." or "Congratulations." were most of  the reactions. One lady said that she "really liked my best friend" - well, I agree. Later in the race, I saw her again and she said: "That baby is going to be so proud of you." Well, I hope so. When I met Beth at the finish line, I told her about her and sure enough, we saw that lady again and I was able to introduce her to Beth. It was beautiful.

I had seen the route before, I knew that it was mostly downhill, and I knew that I could make it. What I didn't realize was that we ran along a lot of "icons" that play a big role in my life, and foremost that play a huge role in this entire process. The first building was our fertility center. When I saw that I started to choke up.... it took my breathe away and I realized that being 6 miles into the race, there was no room for crying. I had to stop and concentrate on NOT crying but running, or I would have fainted. Right next to that building is my oncology and I was silently thanking God for the people working inside that building. A little later, we ran past my favorite Vegan restaurant - for those that don't know, I became a Vegan after the cancer. Then we ran past the Hubby's university building and the local football stadium. It was a bit emotional at times. The best part was coming up the last hill and turning the corner to sprint to the finish line. Where Beth was waiting for me. It blessed me greatly that she agreed to come see me finish the race. Thank you.

Usually, when I run, I need some upbeat music, but I knew, for this particular race, I needed God right with me, so I played worship and praise music and it was a great comfort. Knowing that God designed my body to do this and knowing that He wanted me to run and finish this race today gave me strength and endurance. Beth had texted me the same bible verse that I saw on a sign that somebody was holding up on the sidelines during the race: Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." How true!

It was perfect timing, too.  We are 18 weeks pregnant today.

Also, I saw this race today as my "Labor and Delivery", a small token of my appreciation of what Beth will do in about 5+ months. I come a long way from being able to finish a 5K to this now! Also, or especially, as a cancer survivor! So, I consider the first ten miles as my 'labor'. I was barely aware of running the first five miles at all. It was easy to keep my pace and enjoyed the attention I got with my sign. Then it got just a tidbit harder, but I still enjoyed running. I had thought that the hardest mile would be Mile Nine, because it said that there was some uphill, but it wasn't. The hardest mile was ten - as it had been before in my practice run. I would call that mile my 'transition'. I started hurting just a bit, mostly on my left hip. Mile eleven and twelve were a piece of cake, seriously. We were really going downhill and I just ran as fast as I could, knowing I still had a bit to go. Miles 13 was my 'pushing', because it was really hard to get to the finish line. It went uphill again and I was just so tired, and hurt enough to want to stop running. Then there was a big uphill right before the finish line, I barely made it up. The thought of Beth waiting for me and God wanting me to finish this kept me going.... and I made it up really, really slowly! Turning that corner for the last 0.2 miles was like seeing the end of the tunnel. Baby's head is out, the rest of the body is 'easy'. So I sprinted to that line that would be the end of 'torture' and that made me real happy. I crossed it with a big smile on my face! "Baby was delivered and Mami happy.'
(My timing was much better than anticipated: 2 hours and 39 minutes.) and 2 seconds.)

It was hard and yet oh so worth it. Something that Beth anticipates with the birth of our child.Why am I even trying to compare the two? Well, for one, I can not do it myself - I mean the pregnancy and delivery - but I wanted to show my appreciation of what Beth is doing. Also, when she is in labor, she can not just stop and walk away, she has to finish it. Well, I wanted to treat my race the same way: I could not walk away or stop running, I had to finish it! It was worth every pain to be blessed with the encouragement of others and seeing Beth's face when she saw the sign at the finish line - it was priceless! This was for God's glory. He brought us together, brought us to this place, and has a plan for all of us! He deserves all my praise, especially today.


More pictures are right here - enjoy.

Ann right before crossing the finish line. (The time is the clock time, not MY chip time.)

Tired but happy.

My back.

Ann and Beth after the race, filled with drinks and food and happiness.

Added by the editor:

It felt more like a warm-up, but I thought this was way too funny not to share!

Accomplishments 2011

I am sure you all remember my New Year's resolution post from last year, right?

Well, this past year has been a very busy and turbulent one. Lots of things have happened, and I can truly say that there was a lot of growth. So I wanted to go down memory lane and see if I put into action what I had promised:

I wanted to grow in my spiritual life and I can say that I have taken some amazing steps in the God-walk. I had some battling to do and some soul searching, I had to do some grieving and I had to have unconditional trust in the Lord, I had to forgive and it felt so so good, and I received mercy and grace. So definitely, I grew as a Christian woman, having faith and hope. And I like the Better Me. I am looking forward to this new year and what it will bring.

I know I grew as a wife, and we grew as a couple, we are communicating on a deeper level. There is more understanding and a willingness to give grace for each other.
I definitely feel like I have grown as a mother as well. I might not spend alot of time with the kids, but it is quality time. Homeschooling automatically makes us spend a big chunk of time together in the morning. We go to a co-op and do field trips. But I also see how well the kids play with each other and that makes me a happy Mama. Through the year, Peanut has really come around with sharing, taking turns and understanding boundaries. It's amazing, and I believe that Coqui, being a good example, is playing a major role in her progress.

I gained a best friend - that is a major enrichment to my life, and makes my life more complete. It feels like that was a part that was always missing. I have gained a person that understands me as a woman, on a different level than my husband can, and that feels so right. Beth is awesome and kind and so encouraging, she is an inspiration to me and I love her so much.

I have run 300 miles this year in total - that is 5 miles per week on average. Those 300 miles translates into 121 single workouts, and I burned a total of 12 pounds. My strongest months was September when I ran a total of 38 miles. If I recount it correctly, I ran a fun music race in February in NYC, walked 19 miles for the American Cancer Relay for Life in May, ran the Ovarian cancer race in late August, which was the worst one of all because it was so hot that day, I ran the Superhero Race for Abused Children in September, and ran the Komen Race in November; a nice total of 5 races in one year. Well, I am very proud of that. In general, I lost round about 20 pounds from January until December. Pretty cool.

Remember my post about being a clean freak and not liking people in the house, taking baby steps in throwing a baby shower at my house, and how nervous I was? Well, this house has become more like a hotel over the last year, and I absolutely loved it. I have had many, many play dates here, we had tons of people over for dinner, couples and entire families, or even multiple families at once. The last five weeks, we had visitors constantly, and yesterday, the last one left. I enjoyed having so much company and having so much life in our house. It's gonna be quiet for a while here, which is not bad (for homeschooling), but we won't be waiting long for the next visitors, I am sure of it.

After all this, we had some pretty big news to announce: expecting our little Munchkin! It has been long since we started this process, we are now 15 weeks pregnant, and it's been a roller-coaster of emotions, but it also has been so very exciting. We are awaiting his or her birth impatiently, and hope that this will make our family complete. In the meantime, we will enjoy this ride of a shared pregnancy - a wonderful experience for the both of us. I feel like we have overcome major obstacles and are now bonded to endure this adventure together as a team and as best friends.

Several people have told me that they feel this year will be a great one for our family. Well, I am very much looking forward to it. I am expectant of great things. Our God is awesome and deserves all our praises. Through Him, all things are possible.

How the past can catch up in a good way

"Anyone who is the least bit interesting has a past."

I read this in a blog post by an awesome woman who is going through chemo right now, after a hysterectomy. She is fighting the fight in such a graceful way.... I wish I could have done so. She described how she used to be and that she has changed. Well, most of us have. We are not who we used to be. Some of us have just simply become better, others have turned their life around. I am more of the latter. 

I have troubles seeing myself as an interesting person - at least my past has shown that I am not the most popular girl. My early childhood was overshadowed by rejections and disappointments from peers at school that taught me to be suspicious of people, fearful of their actions, and unable to form healthy relationships with friends and family. It scarred me for life.
So I became timid and really bad at socializing. The funny thing is, I had to leave the country in order to learn that I can be accepted by others, and even have friends. Wow. So when I had to stand up for myself in a foreign country, I learned to have self-confidence, and it gave me the knowledge that I am worse something. I was 18 at the time, and France was the place where I had the time of my life. And it was so hard to return to my native country, to go back to school there, and to move back live with my parents. But I did. And it went pretty well. Because I had learned to speak up for myself. I knew I didn't have to be a 'clone' of my parents. Finally, I had learned to be my own Self.

Fast forward seven years of finishing school, starting a career, having an awesome woman as a mentor that taught me so much, working in the working world, and then moving once again to another country, this time across the ocean - it made me a whole new person. I entered the US as a more independent person than I ever was in the 25 years before.
It took me another eleven years of growing and maturing to make me the person I am today. I accepted Christ into my life and that was a huge turn-around! Christians around me taught me to be a loving, kind, and selfless person; to be forgiving, nurturing, and generous; to have patience and self-control; to have joy and peace, and to accept blessings into my life (and see that those are blessings); and to be a good giver.

Toady, I can finally say that I like myself.

And now I can appreciate the saying that "anyone who is the least bit interesting has a past". Because I have a sone - I could write you a novel! There is good and bad in it. The bad had to be endured to accept the blessings now, and to appreciate the person I have become. I am still not where I want to be, but I know I am on my way. There is still so much to learn and to accomplish. I give God all the glory for molding me into this new creation that I am today. God is my sustainer - He made me stubborn for a reason, so I am gripping onto every straw that will pull me out of any 'dark hole' and that will teach me to thrive for a better tomorrow.

My second Five-miler

This morning, I ran my second five-miler, ever.... but it was very different from the first one, because I actually enjoyed this one today. Back home, I then checked my mileage into www.dailymile.com and saw that I had just hit 222 miles for this year....

... now I think that calls for a celebration!!!

I had such a hard time on Sunday for my race - I even had to walk a few times. My left knee was swollen for two days, and I believe it only got better because I went walking with my MIL every night after we put the kids to bed. So I was a bit discouraged that I had to walk during that 5K - it's only three miles, but it's later in the day and the sun really gets to me. So running my five miles this morning were a nice surprise and I feel so good about it.

Now I am waiting patiently for my new running shoes..... they are minimalist shoes and I can't wait to try them out.

More sewing - a dress this time

After making all those diapers, I needed something else..... so I made a dress for Peanut.

Amazingly, I made it in about two hours or less. When I saw the fabric, I knew what I wanted to do with it. I think it turned out really nice. I can't wait to make another one for her. 

Unfortunately, she wasn't in model mood today, so only a side shot, so you won't see her tears...

Ladies Tea @ church

I have been very busy these last couple of weeks.... and for a good reason.
This past Saturday morning, something special took place at our local church. It was organized by the ladies from the Woman's ministry. A Ladies Tea - to bless our lovely girls and their girlfriends...

And here are the pictures - all the tables looked fantastic:

We even had singers, a testimony, and a play during the tea. I believe all the ladies had fun and were abundantly blessed to be there.

I loved doing the frames. It was a challenge and it turned out so beautifully. I am kind of proud.... Also I loved being a table hostess - it was fun planning it, decorating it, and serving the girls on our table.

Check-up time for those new year's resolutions

Can you believe that the month of January has come and gone?

Well, so I am here to check on those resolutions that I had set up in the beginning of the year. Confession time....

Am I a better wife? I hope so. There were multiple days where I so did not feel like cooking dinner, but than made the kids run out in the afternoon to get ingredients, in order to cook a meal for the Hubby. He is working so hard to provide for his family, I think he deserves a good meal at the end of his hard day.

Am I a better Mami? I think so. I have purposely played more with Coqui, especially when Peanut sleeps. He still gets a short quiet time, but it seems not to work as much as just simply playing with him. So I do it.
Also, I have done some research on the homeschooling. I want to be all prepped when September comes, and he would actually start school. He is doing great, still enjoys it, but there are days when he doesn't so much. And I have to find a way to make it more exciting for him.We recently painted, cooked and baked together, doing some arts and crafts that he enjoys very much, and reading together. He loves his time with Mami all by himself.
And Peanut? Well, here is my announcement...... drum roll...... she is not having her screaming sessions no more!!! Yeah. And she sleeps better in general. I can not spend much alone-time with her, but sometimes I do on the weekend when Coqui is on a daddy date.

Am I a better Christian? Well, since Peanut sleeps so long in the morning, I can actually make my cup of coffee and sit down with it and read the bible. Though I am not doing it every single day, the mornings that I am doing it, I feel much better in general, filled with the word of God. Following Jesus is not just about knowing all the facts from the bible, but it definitely helps to understand why God does some things the way He does. It makes me better, or at least trying to be better, with the struggles that I have. Like cooking dinner. Or throwing a party at my house.
I am also taking a class at our church, that I hope will give me some insight on myself and what God wants me to do in the future.

So there you are. Confession curtains closed.

Accomplishments of 2010

Here is a list with some thoughts, thoughts that I am happy about, things that got done last year and things that just make me feel so blessed.

- another year of being cancer-free. I am so happy that I am still here. I am blessed with a family that supports me. I have a great support system at the oncology. And I am happy when I can give back to others that are currently undergoing treatment.
- it was a year of growing friendships with a few very special people in my life. I am thankful to have friends that I can count on when I need them, and I am glad when I can give that gift back.
- it was a hard year with Peanut. Her screaming sessions seem to have ebbed, but I am far from saying that they actually might be over. But if they are, then I am ecstatic about it.
- my love for her grew so much more and I am at a point where I am just enjoying her. It is amazing to see her grow into a smart little girl, that follows her big brother everywhere, copies him with anything, and smiles so much more these days. 
- Coqui is growing into such a good boy - I'm sorry, I have to say it. He is a great kid to have, so compliant and eager to please. He is an amazing student to have, so eager to learn and it seems that he is just soaking everything up what I offer him.
- we celebrated Peanut's first birthday and her baby dedication. It was so special.
- I ran more than 170 miles - 150 of them I tracked, the rest is just a guess. But I am proud of myself for doing it. And I hope to double that this year.
- I wrote exactly 100 posts in this blog - wow, I am impressed by myself.
- I don't want to say that I have become a stronger believer, but I had some real cool encounters and that encouraged my faith and the longing to be closer to Jesus. It was awesome.
- my house looks a little more homey now, we painted, we decorated, we did the backyard, and we also had to do some repairs. But it all feels good, and the house looks better.

I am sure there were many more things, and I will add them as they come to mind. But now I am tired and will go to bed.