07 December 2011

How the past can catch up in a good way

"Anyone who is the least bit interesting has a past."

I read this in a blog post by an awesome woman who is going through chemo right now, after a hysterectomy. She is fighting the fight in such a graceful way.... I wish I could have done so. She described how she used to be and that she has changed. Well, most of us have. We are not who we used to be. Some of us have just simply become better, others have turned their life around. I am more of the latter. 

I have troubles seeing myself as an interesting person - at least my past has shown that I am not the most popular girl. My early childhood was overshadowed by rejections and disappointments from peers at school that taught me to be suspicious of people, fearful of their actions, and unable to form healthy relationships with friends and family. It scarred me for life.
So I became timid and really bad at socializing. The funny thing is, I had to leave the country in order to learn that I can be accepted by others, and even have friends. Wow. So when I had to stand up for myself in a foreign country, I learned to have self-confidence, and it gave me the knowledge that I am worse something. I was 18 at the time, and France was the place where I had the time of my life. And it was so hard to return to my native country, to go back to school there, and to move back live with my parents. But I did. And it went pretty well. Because I had learned to speak up for myself. I knew I didn't have to be a 'clone' of my parents. Finally, I had learned to be my own Self.

Fast forward seven years of finishing school, starting a career, having an awesome woman as a mentor that taught me so much, working in the working world, and then moving once again to another country, this time across the ocean - it made me a whole new person. I entered the US as a more independent person than I ever was in the 25 years before.
It took me another eleven years of growing and maturing to make me the person I am today. I accepted Christ into my life and that was a huge turn-around! Christians around me taught me to be a loving, kind, and selfless person; to be forgiving, nurturing, and generous; to have patience and self-control; to have joy and peace, and to accept blessings into my life (and see that those are blessings); and to be a good giver.

Toady, I can finally say that I like myself.

And now I can appreciate the saying that "anyone who is the least bit interesting has a past". Because I have a sone - I could write you a novel! There is good and bad in it. The bad had to be endured to accept the blessings now, and to appreciate the person I have become. I am still not where I want to be, but I know I am on my way. There is still so much to learn and to accomplish. I give God all the glory for molding me into this new creation that I am today. God is my sustainer - He made me stubborn for a reason, so I am gripping onto every straw that will pull me out of any 'dark hole' and that will teach me to thrive for a better tomorrow.


C. Beth said...

I learned new things about you in this! I've heard about your travels but it was cool reading about them in order and reading about how they changed you. You are a wonderful person and it's great to see you growing and living more and more as the person God has made you to be!!

SurvivorBlessing said...

Thank you!
I even dared to include a picture of myself - in which I look so old! Seriously, now I finally have to admit to people that I am over 30!!! What a bummer!

SurvivorBlessing said...

Great qoute, so true & a wonderful post, thanks for sharing more of yourself w us, ya know, the more I learn, the more there is to like & appreciate about You. You are a tremendous Blessing & Encouragement to me ;)