23 January 2013

New Year, New Habits, New Promise

It has been a loooong time, I know. Many things have happened in the last three months. Traveling, moving, our church falling apart, adjustment to the baby, homeschooling, visitors, the Hubby having major surgery, recovery, lots of family time, holidays, and really..... kind of a personal crisis. Yep, my plate was not empty.....

With the new year being here (I have no idea how it crept up on me so fast), I want to go back to blogging, writing about our homeschooling experience, co-ops, field trips, and about what is going on in our lives. How God is blessings us.

Instead of making resolutions that are forgotten half-way through the year, I want to make a change that is life-changing and will last a lifetime. Amidst all this craziness, I was able to read a book and devoured it. It was hard to digest at times, but it was good and will be great once my transition has taken place. I am sure you are eager to know the title and author, but I want to start with the content. It's about healing. Personally, it seems like the entire last year has been about healing, at least for me. It's a process, a slow one; progress is interrupted by many tumbles. Not only did I need healing from the loss of being able to carry my own children - I need healing from many, many other hurts; hurts that sit much deeper. Hurts from the past that still dictate my future and I had enough! Finally, I am saying that those hurts need to stay in the past and not keep on interfering with my present or my future.I have a life to live and I am missing it..... Damn it!

Have you ever thought that you are too sensitive? Too emotional? Too easy to be hurt? Criticism doesn't sit well with you? Do you have a feeling of a black and white world with great justice and injustice? Are you getting depressed, sometimes caused by the smallest things? Do you know what dark holes are where you are trapped and you can't come out by yourself? Is it hard to make decisions for you? Does forgiveness come easy to you? What do you feel when I say anger?

Here is a picture. Imagine a big tree, like one that looks older than hundred years old. Now cut it down! (Don't be an environmentalist right now, it's just your imagination!) What do you see when the tree is cut and lays on its side? Yes, the tree's rings; it's life rings. What do they tell us? Really, they represent the tree's biography. A thin ring for a year of drought, a fat line for a prosperous year. All of those records are there - a lifetime worth of 'memories'.

As humans, we have those rings, too. They are invisible, and most people don't even think about them. They go through life, from one event to the other, with nothing but smiles. Life is grand and the future looks bright - no book needed! Awesome.
Then there are people that are more aware of those rings because they bear dark times that have impacted their life beginning with the past throughout the present, and if nothing changes, they will keep doing it in the future. It's almost like a curse. Those people seem like life is dragging on, it's a constant struggle, it's hard. Ever feel this way? Then I have news for you (and me!).

What the book "Healing for Damaged Emotions" by David A. Seamands has shown me was so eye-opening, it has to be life changing! I mean it just has to be. I learned soooo much about myself, and what needs to be done to be FREE from those rings that keep pulling me down - wow! I know what is wrong with me, too: I was wrongly programmed. From early on, we are taught how to react to circumstances on our lives. Parents can do a good job, or a rather bad one. Guess which end of the bargain I got? I DO believe that it also had something to do with the circumstances of the country I was growing up in, a communist country where we were taught not to trust anybody and lie as much as possible. Not really a great start to build healthy relationships with anybody, including parents, siblings, family, and/or friends - even worth when we talk about God, the God that sees deep into our hearts. What relationship do you want to have with your Creator?

Someone said once that "Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it." So true. But what if the way I thought to react IS wrong? Now I need to learn how to turn those ninety percent into 'positive' reactions, turning things around, making the best of a situation. I have to admit, I have never done this before - I am stepping foot on unfamiliar territory here...... 

If you never dealt with this before, or have never even thought about this, it is still important to be aware of it in order not to judge someone that is different than you are. We are not fakes or hypocrites, we just have alot of scars and hurts and faulty programming that blur our behavior today. Patience and love would be great. The truth through bible readings and biblical encouragement. Understanding and support. Until the day arrives when the programming has been reset: a renewal of our minds has taken place. Victory for the glory of God.

I am currently undergoing this process. I am learning .... alot. I will post about my progress along the way. It's a promise to myself, because I WANT this badly! I invite you to learn along with me or just witness the transformation. For my part, I am excited, yet scared. So if you ever have a (devotional) word for me, please share. I will need all the encouragement that I can get.....

Step One: Face my problems squarely! Oh boy.


C. Beth said...

So excited to watch God working in you, my sister-friend!!!