Who am I?

I am sure I am not the only one when I say that, sometimes, I am struggling with figuring out WHO I am.....

I have many titles, like sister, wife, mother, friend -  but do those titles define who I am?

I am not sure. Sometimes, I feel pulled between all those 'jobs'. Can I be a good sister-in-law without being a good wife? Can I be a good friend and a good mother at the same time? My inner strive to perfection wants me to be a good Everything. I want to serve my husband as well as my children, and still be a good friend and a 'perfect' servant to God.

How can I do ALL that without exhausting myself, burning myself out, and feeling like I need to crawl in a corner and hide? (like these past few days)

Ephesians 5:10 says simply this: "...and find out what pleases the Lord." (NIV)
It sounds pretty easy, but believe me, it's not. God is funny - He only lets us see small bits and pieces of what He has planned for us, if at all. In some areas, I DO feel like I know where God wants to take me, in others, I am completely clueless. This part is a bit frustrating. Even though I know that it is only to protect me.

I am also trying to pin-point my strengths and my weaknesses. It requires alot of honesty with myself - this can hurt quite a lot, and then sometimes, I am quite impressed with myself. Usually, I am not taking well to criticism and I am working on that - it particular hurts when it comes from the people around me that love me and are suppose to 'protect' me from such 'attacks'. Don't worry, this is not meant in an angry way at all - I am simply learning that if family and friends point things out to me, they do it because they care! It is actually quite liberating to know that.
This keeps me accountable to them all. As a Christian, I am accountable to God; as a wife, I am accountable to my husband; as a mother, my children will keep me on my toes; and as a friend, I am accountable to those that I call my close friends and that I want to keep close to me.

I also had to forgive myself for making mistakes in the past. No, let me rephrase that! Many, many mistakes. I had to forgive others as well. And I had to learn (and still am learning) to accept myself and others as humans that are wired to make mistakes - after all, why would we need God if we were so perfect!?

Through my daily declarations (I will write more on that in a later post), I am trying to dissolve the negative opinions that I have about myself. I am learning to be nice to myself, and to others. We are all walking on this earth, more or less 'lost', and if we encourage each other, support each other and lift each other up, we might help carry each others burdens, and actually might eliminate some of the problems we had before (when we were 'fighting' each other).

Additionally, I am learning to change my attitude towards my life and it's struggles and it's blessings. It's a huge step for me. Because my inner wiring leans more towards pessimism - so I have to make an extra step to see things with the 'bright side', rather than becoming bitter by circumstances. I read somewhere that I should try to recycle my frustrations into something useful, like become passionate about something. I like this idea...... So I am determined to love my life as it is.

One thing is important to me: honesty. So I want to stay honest with myself. I don't want to 'fake' being a good wife, mother, and friend. I am who I am - I am many things; I am stubborn, and persevere, but I am also faithful and honest. God sees my true Me anyways, so why would I want to hide it.

So who am I? I am not perfect! Simply, I am trying to be a good person. I am trying to be a good wife, mother, and friend. I am trying to be the best servant to my Savior. I am trying to constantly be molded by my heavenly Father to be better today than I was yesterday. Sometimes, I fail.... but God is gracious - and that is what I would ask of my family and friends, to be gracious with me as well. I trust in God that He knows what He is going with me.  And I am hopeful, that with time, I will be more successful than not.

Thank you for making me be accountable to you.....