Day 119: Happy Kindertag

In East Germany (and all other east block countries), we celebrated the children's day on the first of June. (And apparently, Germany is still having two different international children's days.)

It is a day dedicated to the children, their protection and their rights. Usually, we would get little gifts from our parents and maybe some at school, too. Bigger towns would put together festivals for the kids to enjoy, with rides and good food. It was a great day.

Of course, I have to share those special traditions with my own children. So today, they got some German treats to eat. And to their question of not doing school on such a wonderful day, I simply pointed out that one of those rights that children have is the right to a great education.

What a great day. We are so blessed with awesome children.

Day 118: A beautiful Letter

After church, I was handed this letter from my Peanut. I don't think it needs any explanation.

Anybody that knows me personally, knows what a rough start Peanut and I have had. For the past five years (and a few months added to that), I've been trying to establish a relationship with her. And only in the last few months, I can see a breakthrough. It makes me so happy. So receiving this today, brings tears of joy to me.

I am thankful that she is part of our family. That she is different and keeps me on my toes. That she is always funny and silly, and brightens up all of our days. I thank her that she teaches me new points of view and that she stretches me constantly. I am blessed with a beautiful daughter.

Day 112: Blessed With Great Friends

These are most of the kids from our small group. We had a gathering tonight with a little celebration for Memorial Day (and for just the fun of it). The kids could play and eat and run around. I love this group so much. All but three of them, know each other since birth. How awesome that they can grow up together. They care for each other and they fight like siblings. The learn next to each other, and grow. Like friends are suppose to. They are all special and unique.

Of course, the adults are all friends, too. We learn together, we pray together, we share life together. This is our 'security blanket' when rough times come and we need practical and spiritual help. We are so blessed with great friends, and the kids are equally blessed with their friends.

Day 106: He loves school.....

This picture really doesn't need any caption......

Let me be honest, we have great days, and days where homeschooling is real work and not much fun. But when this kid uses his new compass to practice drawing circles and then writes that he loves school - in those moments, I jump up in the air three feet high! THIS is what it is all about. The moments when they get it. Love it. Feeling extremely blessed to be the Mami of these awesome kids and to be able to teach them at home.

Day 95: A mom's night out

What a busy day. We went on our last field trip of the season and the kids had a blast. What a fantastic year it has been with our group. The kids had a blast riding the train, doing a scavenger hunt, playing, exploring, eating, and having a water balloon fight. We spend a total of five hours at the park, of which the last two hours were spent in the rain. The kids just didn't want to go home.

At home, we relaxed. We needed that. Just for me to collect enough energy to go on my next adventure. The ladies from this fabulous group had a mom's night out. We went to a local art school where an instructor walked us through painting the above painting. I am not a great artist but I don't think it was too bad. At the end, it was a great evening with my ladies. Love that we are friends. I am so blessed to know them and to be a part of the group. It has enriched our lives greatly.

Day 81: Science Field trip

It's that time of the week again: field trip day. We had to get up early to be on the road and get to this amazing science museum. It was pretty much an all day trip that was so exhausting, but so fun. Once we got there, we saw a 3D movie. I can't remember my last time but it is many, many years ago, and only once. So this was exciting for me, but the kids loved the movie as well.

Then we got a tour of the museum to get an overview of what is there and how it works. Then we had an early lunch. After we had 'classes' where the kids were challenged to accomplish different tasks in science and engineering, like classifying animals, building a structure that withstands an earthquake, and partake in a study of identifying other planets. At the end, we were able to roam around the museum and try out everything in sight.

What a great trip and oh so educational. The kids had a blast learning and touching and seeing. I love our group so much. They have become my friends and the kids' friends, and we are doing this thing called homeschooling together. It makes it easier and funner. Once again, we are so blessed to be surrounded by like-minded people that we call friends.

Day 78: Sibling love

We had a good day at home with tons of outdoor playing. After dinner, we went out for ice cream and once back home, we had a bath. This is what happened right after. I love days when they are so close and get along so well. Truly being blessed today with these three little ones.

Day 44: A challenging Math problem

Math comes pretty easy and natural to my oldest. He thinks very logically (like his Mama ;-)). So most times, I just have to tell him which page number and he just goes.
Today, I caught this picture above. It melts my heart. This is Math at its best. Take the Bible, read a verse, take that number from the verse, and calculate it the way it says in the Math book. He got every single problem right! I couldn't be any prouder of him.

Day 35: The best aspect of homeschooling

If you asked me what was the most surprising aspect of homeschooling, I had to say that the above picture represents it well: the fact that I am not the only teacher to my children. I never anticipated that they would teach each other. Since last night, Coqui has decided to play 'babysitter' on his sisters, especially the younger one. He has given her a bath, dressed her, fed her breakfast, and taught her Math, phonics, and art. He had pleaded for me not to interrupt and that he could do it all on his own. My heart is melting just by writing this. Yes, I am proud, but also I am so happy by the bond they are creating, a bond I hope they will have for the rest of their lives, even after Mami and Daddy won't be around anymore. I am so blessed with these children and they are blessed with each other.

Day 32: Our First Science Fair

Tonight, we participated in our very first Science Fair organized by one of our homeschool groups. Coqui had a hard time thinking of an experiment that interested him and still was presentable at a fair. Eventually, we came up with a cooking experiment. The big question was: Do noodles cook faster in salt water?

We filled two pots with four cups of water each, added a teaspoon of salt to one of them, and brought them both to a boil. Then we threw in the same amount of spaghetti and cooked them for nine minutes exact. After those nine minutes, we took them out and tasted them.

Now what do you think we observed?

For those that want to try it themselves, this is the part where you stop reading and go into your kitchen and started boiling that water. Those that just want to keep reading, the noodles in the pure water were perfectly done, but the noodles in the salt water were still hard on the inside, way before al dente! So they needed to cook longer. We threw them back in the water and cooked them some more and voila, we had dinner ready.

The big question now is why did this happen. We did a little research and found out that salt water has a higher boiling temperature than pure water which is at 212 degree Fahrenheit (or 100 degrees Celsius). Apparently, for salt water it depends how much salt is in the water, the more salt the higher the boiling point. So that's why the noodles were not done yet. Once we threw in the noodles, the waters cooled down a tid bit, and for the salt water, it took longer to reach it's boiling point again.

Coqui proudly presented his poster today, earned a reward, and got to eat that fabulous cake, done by one of my friends. All the kids did really great - I loved to see their little personalities coming out in the experiments. They were all interest lead and I love that. No pressure, no trying to out-do each other, but pure fun. Thank you to the two ladies that organized everything and put it all together. We love this community and are so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful group of people.

Day 24: Family Quality Time

We had a day filled with lots of activities: doctor appointments, PE class, Karate, and shopping. But after dinner, we just all spend some much needed quality time together. The Hubby is a huge boxing fan, so last Christmas (2013), the kids got boxing gloves and training punch gloves (or whatever they are called!). They love to pull those out and 'train' with their Daddy. Well, at least the oldest and the youngest. My princess is not much into boxing.

Homeschooling is a life style - we are not trying to create school at home. So days like today are a bit crazy. but then again, they teach the children that life can be chaotic and we need to know how to deal with it. We always make sure that after a hectic day like today, we spend some family quality time together in the evening. I am so blessed with my family.

Day 005: Adventures in Ancient Greece

As we are studying Ancient Greece, I came across this awesome build-it-yourself game. It is called Digging Up Greece. The download was free. I printed it all out, we started cutting, and gluing, and more cutting, until we could finally start playing. Even Peanut chimed in. The questions are multi-level, so mine were the hardest, Coqui had the middle, and Peanut got the easiest ones. She even won the whole game. We had a ton of fun on a quiet Sunday afternoon.

A constant source of joy

When I look into her eyes,
when I feel her hug me tight,
when she calls me by my name,
when she smiles as only she can,
when she throws her head on my shoulders,
and when she falls asleep on my back,

then I know... that I have been so blessed.

With a little girl that took away all those years of grief and sadness, just as it is said in Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." God kept His promise and I am honored to be able to see it every day right in front of my eyes.

She is beautiful. She is happy. She is mine.

I don't know where to start as I am constantly amazed by her and my heart literally overflows with pride.

Munchkin has been with us for a little over a year but it sure feels like it has been forever. She completes our family. She is a little firecracker, and yet gentle and caring. Anything that she is exposed to, goes right to her brain and is applied. Clapping, High-fives, throwing a ball, climbing up the stairs and scooting back down on her bottom, pretend-reading, sorting shapes, doing puzzles, and yes, eating with a fork. 

She interacts so well that I could easily forget how old she really is. She shows so much compassion for her siblings. If one of them gets hurt, she comes over for a pat on the back and a long-lasting hug of comfort. When one of them cries, she cries, too. They play kitchen, she has to be right next to them. We go outside to play soccer, she grabs her mini soccer ball and kicks it - just like the big kids!

Her small motor skills are incredible. One of our little routines, when I want to go to the bathroom, is to give her a small piece of toilet paper (clean of course!). In hand, she runs of to the stairs and rips it into microscopic small pieces. Nope, she does not put a single one into her mouth! And then she brings them over for me to throw them in the garbage.

And none of this goes without verbal communication. I am absolutely blown away by the things coming out her of mouth. At one year old, she knew every member of her family, including the extended family of grandparents and aunts and uncles - by name. Of course, like with Peanut, I am trying to teach her baby sign language, but really, it is in vein as she signs AND says it at the same time. Signing more and saying 'mo', so Mami and Daddy really get that she wants more!

Words that I have heard her say include: 'hi', 'bye-bye', 'baby', 'water', 'waffle', 'cereal', 'shoe', 'nigh-nigh, 'go', 'peek-a-boo', 'ba' (for bath), 'wow', 'than you' and 'please', 'wau' (German for woof), 'doggie', 'meow', 'lalala' (for music), and her newest thing: 'are you?' (for where are you?).
I do not remember my other kids being that talkative at this age.

She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it by asking for it. She understands pretty much everything I ask of her. When she stands up in the bathtub or her high chair, I ask her to 'sit down' and she sits. She drops a toy (and Mami does not feel like playing the pick-up game) and I ask her to 'pick it up', she does it. It feels like with child number three, I have really gotten a hang of parenting - at least SHE makes me look like it.

Thank you God for our little Munchkin, for blessing us with her presence - it is a gift that we cherish each and every day.

Filling the empty picture frame with ME

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and He heard my cry." (Psalm 40:1)

Everybody wants to know who they are and what their purpose is in life. As a believer, one can go to God and simply ask: 'Who am I, Lord?'  Sometimes, we get a quick answer, and sometimes it takes years. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear, and sometimes it's a surprise. But God always answers, we just need to listen.

Patience is rare these days, and I am not always good at exercising it myself. Going through this transformation, I have gotten impatient, frustrated, and even close to giving up. My endurance and hope have paid of - I can tangibly feel that I had a major break-through, and God answered some of my prayers. Hallelujah.

In the last couple of weeks, I have gotten quite a few revelations about myself, in trying to figure out and accept who I am, trying to love myself, and working on reprogramming my 'software'. It's hard work, to get rid of old habits and start new ones - but it's worth it. And it is quite satisfying to get an affirmation from the Almighty about the good things in me.

Some people might be scared by the thought that God knows everything about them (after all, He created each and every one of us), but I am not. I find comfort in Isaiah 49:15-16 "I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands." That is personal. God knows who I am, what my struggles are, my hurts, and joys. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He can help me turn those weak spots into virtues that will make me more Christ-like.

Our pastor started a new series the other Sunday with this: every story has the same components: a great opening line, some event, someone evil, a journey, and, of course, a hero. That made me think about my own life and how I ought to look at it. My life has a great opening line: 'I was born'. There have been many days in my past when I wished I was never born. Life seemed too hard to manage. That was before the hero of my story came into my life: my Lord and Savior. So who or rather what is the evil? It's my past! The past that I need to overcome! And it's satan that still tries to nag on my conscience in trying to put me down, because he is so scared that I might succeed in never being able to be tempted by him ever again.

So who am I?

I am a very passionate person. When I love, I love with ALL my heart. I do act upon my feelings, which makes me do stupid things, or daring things. I can act impulsive and emotionally. But I am never lacking passion. Love is like a deep wound, and if I get hurt - it takes me a long time to get over it. Yet I find comfort in knowing that I gave my very best, my all, my entire Me, with love - I didn't do it halfway. I don't want to have the attitude that people are replaceable. They are - we all know that - but going through life like that seems rather uncaring for the people around me. I love.

I LOVE God with all my heart and soul and mind. He is my heavenly Father and I am honored to be called His child. I love my husband and I know that we are meant for each other. Sometimes when I think that we don't fit together, I just look at him and I don't care what my brain tells me, I know what my heart says: that I love him. I love my kids, and would lay down my life for them. I want the very best for them.

God also showed me that I am the best mother I can be. My days are tiring and exhausting sometimes, and there are a few moments when I wish I could just be by myself and didn't have to act upon each and every request my children ask of me. But then I remember that this will only last for a short while - one day they will need me less, and that is okay then. For now, we spend pretty much every waking hour together as a family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a survivor, I am constantly reminded that my kids might only get to be with me for a short time. I would want to be remembered as the loving, involving, and caring mother that I think I am.

God has assured me on multiple occasions that homeschooling is the best for us. He has said so before I even started it, and has confirmed it since. And He has brought the Hubby on my side as well. We are now one team pulling together and making decisions together, teaching together, and raising our children to be the best they can be. It is so much fun and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.

For anybody that knows me, knows that I am a very truthful person. I can't lie - I turn red and show all the physical signs of lying. I am just 'what you see is what you get'. Trying to appear as something that I am not seems way too much work for me anyways. I have many mistakes but I am standing up for them. And I am willing to change, to constantly work on myself to be more Christ-like. I am a constant construction site, or a piece of art that only will be finished when I enter through heaven's gates.

Our church did a series on the 'suitcases' that we all carry around with us, in form of unforgiveness or pride or hurt from rejections, abuse, failures, mistakes in the past, etc.... God's message was that we need to get rid of that 'carry-on' in order to move on. It was perfect timing for my transformation, especially the last sermon when the pastor even quoted from the book that started all of it. But I also learned that I have a problem..... it's forgiveness or rather my inability to forgive. Ouch!!! That was hard to digest. Me? Could it be? After much soul searching, I had to agree. Past hurts are still there and I need to learn how to forgive for MY own sake. So my new challenge is just that!

Recently, I had a big breakthrough while on the phone with my mom. It started out as one of those phone calls that I couldn't avoid because she is the kids' grandmother, so I chatted away about them and other not-so-important things. Then it started again.... those good-meant advises that I am so unwilling to hear, especially as they are only in her interest and not in mine or the kids. They are also self-centered and guilt-driven. I was about to get all defensive again, when God put His hand - literally - over my mouth, and said to me to be gentle and show her His true love. It worked! I was trying to be the better person, showing her mercy and grace. At the end, I could hang up the phone with a smile, not with a grudge. God is awesome.

And if you didn't realize that yet, I am also weird - or should I call it peculiar!? God taught me to love myself as an 'outsider'. As a matter of fact, I have come to love Me as ab-normal. I want to stand out with stuff that not everybody does. I love that my kids are homeschooled and do not fall into the peer pressure trap with clothes and TV shows and all that stuff that is oh-so-unimportant. They will grow up in a family where family time is the most important way to spend our days. We will teach them that being different is a good thing, not a bad label. I like that I am a little rebel and that I am not just flowing with the crowd, but rather would go against it. It makes me stronger. It teaches me to stand up for myself, when nobody else does. It brings out the person that God wants me to be, not what others expect of me. Truth be told, I rather try to impress my Savior than anybody on this earth.

So I am learning to make courageous choices, which means to do the right thing even when it is unpopular and/or unexpected. Now, instead of walking with my head between my shoulders, I think of the impact I might have on someone that needs a little pick-up. I try to remember that God put me here for a reason and that was not to hide within myself but to share my story - because my story is one full of God's mercy and grace, of His love for me and His many blessings. It's a story that I want to tell over and over because it shows that in today's world, miracles still DO happen.

Parts of my story can be read all over my blog, but foremost in the following posts:
- How we got here...
- New Hope - announcing baby #2 is on the way
- The Medical Side of a Surrogate Carrier
- the birth story of our second miracle: It's a ....
- How and why I became a Free-gan
- My Dream List, also known as To-Do-List or Bucket List
- Why we are homeschooling
- 100 reasons why I love my husband
- How I spent 9/11 and what it means to me
- Trying to figure out Who I Am
- Announcing Baby #3 is on the way
- My first Half-Marathon
- Arrival of Baby to make us a family of Five
- My post about the debate of breast milk vs. formula and being blessed
- finally the original post of how this transformation got started
- and my last post on this series: Hope and Encouragement

Bittersweet End

Yesterday was a sad day, and yet I say that with a smile on my face and a warm feeling of being blessed in my heart.

At the end of my breastfeeding post, I mentioned that Munchkin was both formula- and breastmilk-fed. And today, I am happy to report that this was true for the past 13 months. We had found a permanent donor that provided milk for my baby for over a year. God was so good in sending this wonderful woman our way.

I feel so blessed that my story is a testimony of love. God's love for working things out for the good.
Because I love my children, I want the very best for them. Providing them with (in my opinion) the best nutrition that God 'invented' is important to me. And when I was unable to provide it for them, He found people to do that for me. People that love and sacrifice for others. I am so thankful for that.

Munchkin a week old drinking some breast milk

The story begins with a birth that took place way too early and a mother that had milk but couldn't give it to her baby because it was in NICU. So she pumped and saved, eventually threw it in a freezer hoping to be able to use it for her baby at a later time. It never happened and I don't know why, but someone else's breast milk was used instead, by the doctors. Which gave her the idea to save her milk for someone else.

That someone turned out to be me and Munchkin. We received the first badge of breast milk even before our baby was born. It was milk full of colostrum! Which was a blessing because we took it to the birthing center with us. We never got to use it there but eventually, Munchkin got that liquid gold.

But this first badge was suppose to be the only one, until she heard our story and felt called to keep pumping. At the end, she donated a total of over 2000 oz. - which are 15.6 gallons - of her precious milk for us. Wow, I never realized that it was that much in total. I only knew that - at times - it took over my freezer space. 

Munchkin received at least ONE bottle of her breast milk every day since. Except when we traveled - I was not gonna drive around with a cooler full of breast milk. Sometimes it was more, especially when she was sick and I felt she needed an extra immune boost to get over her sickness. Until yesterday, when that last bag was unfrozen and put in a bottle. Here she is enjoying it:

We were so blessed by this woman and her family to have supported us through this. I know it was a sacrifice on their part but she keeps assuring me that it was a blessing to her as much as it was for us.

I love when God puts people in our lives to pour His love out.

Munchkin's update

I have not mentioned the baby in a long time. Yes, I am busy with three children, but really, that is not the major reason. It's homeschooling. So my posts are random and scarce and I apologize for that.
But now to the more fun part of this post. Our newest addition's update.

First a picture from her about a month old, smiling already.

She is still the sunshine of our everyday life.

To this day, I am surprised and impressed at how much she is loved by her siblings. They adore her!

Also, I finally feel like she has completed our family totally. Here is a very recent picture of us five.

Sorry for the picture-heavy post but I felt like I wanted to share the joy of the last few months. Her joining our family and becoming a part of it has been the absolute highlight, and none of us could imagine life without our Munchkin.

 She has had many milestones, like holding her bottle, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, new foods, and finally as of yesterday, walking. She only took three steps and tried a few more times. Today, as she is a bit under the weather, she only took two steps. But I know for sure, she will be running around our house in no time.

Trusting God in Dark Times

This morning, I woke up to a dark world. I so did not want to get up. I turned around in bed to be faced by a beautiful baby girl - I guess she slept with me. At that very moment, two other kids jumped in bed with me, smiled and screamed 'hungry'. What does a mother do in a situation like this? Get up anyways. Even when everything inside of me wants to give up and just lay there, questions racing through my head, and no answers but an empty feeling.

The reason why I awoke in such a state comes from my day yesterday. Something happened in my brain - or was it the devil getting a stronghold again? - and all my doubts came back. My insecurities. Fears. Anger. Jealousy. Pain. And yes, the question if I could ever change after all, or is it too late for me? It not only put me in a bad mood, but it also affected our family day.

I had a good week. A week with some normal life and some trials. But I think I handled them pretty well. I reached out when I wanted to pull away. I talked when I just wanted to say "I am fine". I really thought about why I was feeling a certain way. I read the Word, books, devotionals, bible verses I had jotted down. I prayed. And I told myself the truth over and over. I did good.

How can it be then, that I got sucked into this state again, after only a week? Ugh.... This is so frustrating. And yes, I can be hard on myself, and I can get quite impatient with myself.  So besides everything else, I also need to learn patience.

At a local church, I heard a sermon that was so GOOD! The speaker doesn't realize what He showed me this morning, because really, his sermon was on something else. But certain words, verses, spoke to me and woke me up! Thank you, God!

I see the world as dark because I was taught to see it that way! My atheist parents walk on a dark path and to this day, deny that the light exists! But I know better now. God is my light, He is suppose to brighten my day. I just don't let Him sometimes! And really, I am suppose to be the light for others, too. So I have not done a good job in fulfilling my job description as a Christian.
Disobedience!

Is it hard to pull yourself up out of such a state? Hell, yes. Is it hard to worship God at a time such as this? Yes. Am I able to praise Him in the darkness? Not really. So what am I doing?
Disobedience!

The truth is that I am suppose to thank God in all my circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

The truth is that we are suppose to face those trials with joy (James 1:2). 
The truth is that He will "restore, confirm, strength, and establish" us through those trials (1 Peter 5:10).

The inner pessimist inside of me wants to ask: "Why so many trials, God?" and "Why does it hurt so much, Lord?" I want to scream: "Why does it feel like my life is too hard? Why does it appear others seem happier and do not have to suffer this much?" Oh, the questions my little brain can come up with.....

I've got some answers this morning! It's all clear now.... now I just have to live accordingly.... 

It's the attitude. I need to concentrate on counting my blessings! And I have been a very bad manager of my blessings. I KNOW very well, how blessed I have been and how blessed I am right now, this second! "The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it." (Proverbs 10:22) I AM RICH.
That is a truth that I know.

In the past, I did not manage those blessings right. When trials come my way, when the devil tries to turn my attention away from the blessings, I see blessings that are not meant for me but for others. Jealousy is a sin! I need to concentrate on my very own blessings, and thank God for them! God created them especially for me, and I deserve them. My blessings are just as special as everybody else's.

God only gives us as much as we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Then He comforts us with His peace in John 16:33, and He promises that all things will work together for good (Romans 8:28). Trials are suppose to teach us perseverance (Romans 5:3). After all, nothing is impossible for God (Matthew 19:26). Wow, the present and future look much brighter with this truth!

God intended for us to prosper (Jeremiah 29:11) and to be in good health of body and mind (3 John 1:2). He WANTS us to be happy with His will (Romans 12:2). And He wants us to thank HIM! (Psalm 107:1) In all my circumstances. So really, I have not trusted Him enough. I think I have doubted Him to be able to help me, change me.

Also, my attitude needs to change when I am faced with a problem. I need to ask myself: "God, what are you trying to show me?" Once He reveals that to me, I need to ask: "God, which way do you want me to go?"  He is the author of my life. He knows what is best for me. I need to listen to Him.

There is beauty in each situation. This world is beautiful. And in being a good person, an optimist, a light to the world, I will help to make this world a better place. It's my responsibility as God's child, accepted and loved by Him. And for myself, I want to feel God's blessings every second of my life -  I don't want to miss a single one that He has specially for me.

God is teaching me that if I couldn't trust in anybody else, I can trust in Him.
God teaches me that if I feel lonely, He is always there, He never leaves me. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
God is teaching me to have hope in MYself, to believe in me - He can perform miracles.

A transformation is not always going forward, it's also stumbling, falling, and being picked up.

(And in case, you don't know which transformation I am talking about, you can catch up here, and then here.)

Something to celebrate

I started this blog in order to spread the good news of 

.

And next week, I get to celebrate that hope big time. (and no, it's not my birthday!)

What is hope? I am talking about that feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

I expected God to fight my fight for me because I knew I was too weak to fight it myself. I expected Him to be there for me. I expected Him to guide me by His hand to a better tomorrow. And that totally happened. I have been blessed with life, love, hope, and faith. I have been blessed with family, friends, and children that I thought I could not have. (If you need to catch up on How we got here!, please go back and read it.)

So what am I so excited about that it drives tears into my eyes every time I think about it? 

It's been five years since those dreadful words changed my life: "It's the big C!"

It took a long time to accept that fact and it's consequences. It took me five years to heal from it. So today, I can proudly say that I am five years cancer-free, and that is something to celebrate!

I want to celebrate that Life and that Hope, that Love I received and those children I got, the special people that supported me on my journey and my relationship with my heavenly Father that got so strong through this experience.  I am praising God for all of it. He not only never left my side in those dark times but blessed me so abundantly in giving me the strength to go through this and come out on the other end as a renewed person. Hey, maybe one day, I will even become an optimist....

The walk to Beat the Clock in NYC 2010

Five years can be short but I feel that ALOT of things happened in those five years. The first year was full of anger and frustration, healing physically and emotionally, until that Hope would sink in and make life look a little bit better every day. It was a tough year of little social interactions, withdrawal, and loneliness. Once that anger turned into hope, I felt I can do things again. Life seemed manageable again.

My biggest supporter and me

And then we got blessed with New Hope through a family member that would carry our own baby (if you need to know how it works medically, here is a link) for us. That year was not always easy but oh so worth it. At the end, we recived a beautiful baby girl into our family.
During all this time, I had to have quarterly check-ups, which are always so nerve-wrecking. Even though I knew I was in good hands, that waiting with the uncertainty of hearing good or bad news was tough, and is to this day.

I did celebrate the half-time between that day one and now here. I love my team over there and was always worried that at five years, they would send me back to an regular OB-Gyn. Well, they don't and I really appreciate that. I mean, eventually, they might, and then I 'might' be ready for that, but for now, I am not. I am also part of a support group that I have attended now for those five years. I love the ladies there and I am so happy that I can share some of my hope with them. It has been a big part of my healing, too.
Of course, I have walked a few cancer walks, for my own cancer or others. It's an awful, creepy disease and I wish this on Nobody! So supporting researches makes me feel good, and I can show my support to my friends that are affected by it. 

Another Blessing

Fast forward four years, I find myself blessed again with another carrier to carry our third child. Wow. God has been so good to us! During that time, Beth and I did the Relay for Life for the second time and it was so meaningful for me - it goes with this post as well. At the end, I can only give glory to God for where I am today! (I wrote a post back in May that says it all.)

So five years have gone by, I was able to heal in so many ways. My family grew from three to five with the help of two very special ladies. And I have learned to be a fighter. Life is worth fighting for! It's worth living it every minute, and it's so beneficial to enjoy what we have, even if it is not always our plan, but God's. I am happy where I am today. So that is what I am celebrating my life changed forever due to God's plan.

I am not sure how my day will look like, but I want it to be special. 

I might not do school that day, or do a special session on 'counting our blessings'.

I want to celebrate with a birthday cake, and a candle on it... (it will be nice to see a one digit-number on MY cake once again - haha) 

I want champagne.... (this one might not happen though....)

And I want my family and friends around me!

And I want to thank God all day - whenever I think about it - for how blessed I am!

Thank you for being here and reading, thank you for praying and thank you for encouraging me when I felt I couldn't handle this anymore. Please stay and keep reading - I am certain that God is not done with me yet.

Why I am a stricter mom.....

This post is not about me having the one-and-only formula to be the perfect mom or to have the perfect kids. It is just about me being me and to be true to myself. It is about what works for US, for now..... that does not say that I know it all, nor does it say it will always work this way. Circumstances can change, and when the time comes, we will adjust to that.


I am a strict mom.

Yep, it is out now! I've outed myself, and chased half of my readers away..... But I kind of like it. Even though I have to admit that it is not easy to find a good balance between the love-you-all-the-time-no-matter-what attitude, and between the tough love that children sometimes need from their parents. After all, as parents, we love our children, and because of this love, we feel the need to discipline them.

So yes, I can be tough. On my kids. Sometimes, the Hubby says, I can be too tough. That is hard to hear. Because I DO love my kids so much. They are the most important thing in my life. I feel motherhood is a calling for me. I have fun being a mom.  I love to spend time with my kids.

So why am I strict?
Good question!
Well, I have this big fear of adolescents that are completely out of control! I mean lying, stealing, drugs, unemployment, .... to name just a few. And I really do not want my kids to be part of this!
No, I can not look into the future, and I can not predict, that after all my hard work, they won't turn 'bad' anyways. I can't. All I can do now, is to teach them right, teach them about good choices, about God, and PRAY! Pray that they will copy us, as parents, to make good, or preferably better choices! Pray that if they do fall off the right path, they will come back to the right one. Pray that I will keep my promise to them of always being there for them. Pray that we all become wiser through the process.

So it makes more sense to me to lay down strict rules NOW and loosen them up once they understand what obedience means. Obedience to their parents AND to God. I believe that the only thing God requires us to do is to OBEY. He gave us a free will, but He wants us to obey Him. Because He knows what is best for us. And obeying Him shows our love for Him.
I think this is the same with children. We want them to obey us, because as adults, we know what is best for them. We are able to protect them from harm. We are able to make good choices for them, as an example. And hopefully, one day, they will copy us, because they see that it works. Through our kids obedience, they show us that they are listening and learning, and that they are loving us. That obedience results into the family's harmony. And who doesn't want to live in harmony with their family members?!

Raising children means to shape them, to prepare them for real life. A life without us as their guides. And that life is not always easy, and can come with alot of trials. Raising means guiding them through the good times and the tough times. It means teaching them to make choices every day. And when they make bad choices, we are there to catch them and put them back on the right track.

Being strict does NOT mean to talk down to the kids! It means laying down the law; it means having a strong guidance and showing them cause and effect in a system of punishment for misbehavior, and praise for good choices. 
As adults, we have to follow the laws of government, so kids need to be taught HOW to follow those rules. First there are our rules as parents, later they include also the rules of the school, then college, and then work. Teaching them HOW to follow rules is very essential, because there is no way around them. We all have to pay taxes, if we want or not. Sometimes we have no choice. They need to learn that their actions are causing reactions in the world, even when that 'world' is just their family for now. But they will get bigger, and their world will become larger, which means that actions will effect more and more people around them.

So I am talking about necessary discipline that is always presented with LOVE. My kids know that they are loved no matter what! We tell them that we love them always. That we love them when they are good, and that we love them when they are making bad choices. We are their security net when they fall. We love them.
And we tell them that what we don't LIKE are their actions! And to teach them that difference is important. I want my children to know how to behave around other people, how to treat them, and that their actions can cause happiness or suffering for other people. I want them to be considerate of others. I want them to be polite. So thank-you's and please's are not just optional, they are a must! Without the 'magic word', Mami is not budging. Saying 'I am sorry' is only acceptred when it is meant as a sorry. I also think to say NO to my kids will teach them that they don't always get what they want in life. This is a very important lesson to learn! Life is just not always fair.

Now there is no perfect formula for raising your kids! We all have to make choices that work for OUR family only. What works for us, might not work for another family.
But what I find so important is that we as parents can support each other without pointing fingers of righteousness. We are not failing when things don't work out. We are just being tested - and believe me, I have had my share of testing. And I KNOW that we are not at the end of the road. My oh-so-defiant middle child is only three..... so I see a long road of trial and error in front of me. But I believe in ME, and I believe in HER. And I believe that we can make this..... to a loving relationship.

Now what does that mean for MY life right now? Sacrifice! Big time. I have to sacrifice my own time to spend it with THEM! I believe the younger they are, the more time we should spend with them. Why? To nip any bad small behavior in the butt before it becomes a big problem. So as a mom, I do not get to go out with my friends all the time - I go on play dates for my children. I don't get to watch TV all day long, because I think that it would be bad for them. So if the TV is on during the day, it's a kid-friendly program. It also means that I get to spend most of my free time with my amazing children. I get to see their first step, how they learn to dress themselves, to write and to read, how they become their own little personalities. And I think it's a privilege.
Our days are spent with playing games, sometimes games I don't necessarily want to play, but I do it anyways because I might be able to teach them something - like how to be a good loser, or how to count, or how to let the ladies go first (to be a gentlemen). But they need to know that I am there for them - especially as a stay-at-home-homeschooling mom. It means I hide in the shower playing hide-and-seek. It means gluing pieces of paper all over a pretend robot. It means to build a volcano out of clay and try to explode it. It means to dress that doll with real cloth diapers and real baby clothes for my pretty girl. It means putting a theater show together with puppets. Or putting lap books together - those are a big hit these days.

It also means NOT to do things I like, at least not as much as I would like to. I can't read all day. I can't saw all day. I can't get a bucket of ice cream and veg in front of the TV. I can't talk on the phone all day with my friends - even though I would really like to that.

I am their example. And I want to be a good one.

So this is my little philosophy for today. Parenting is not easy, but for me, it's a calling and I want to try to do my best to fulfill that calling. It's  a privilege and a blessing to be their Mami.

Baby is becoming a true part of the family

I am sure you are all waiting for an update on life with this little Munchkin.

Well, I have to brag.... I just have to! She is such a GOOD baby! A pure delight and joy, and I want to cuddle with her all day long. I can not get enough of her. And when I am away from her for more than half hour, I actually miss her. I have not left her side for more than that anyways. She is with me day and night. She sleeps with me or right next to me. I love to carry her around. I love to wear her. I love to sit on the couch with her, and just sit there..... and look at her.

I think you are getting the picture.....

So she has finally getting the hang of day and night. She sleeps less during the day, is more awake and also more aware of things around her. She is more alert, too.  She definitely can recognize my face, and sometimes smiles at me. At night, she sleeps longer chunks which makes me a much happier camper/Mami. The most she has given me is six hours, and that was a night I really needed it. I am hoping that she soon sleeps through the night..... even though I might miss it at first. Eventually, I do need my own nights again. For now, I am enjoying it to the fullest.

She loves to sleep on Mami, on her tummy. The other day, I put her on the couch on her tummy and she slept so long that I woke her up eventually. Alot of times, she sleeps with her mouth wide open. She likes the swing and the bouncy seat, but she prefers ME the most.She loves to hear music, too, it calms her when she sleeps.

The kids love her and want to kiss her all the time - at times they smother her with all their affection. They are still helpful, you know with bringing me diapers or new clothes. Coqui wants to teach her how to read, Peanut wants to teach her how to potty train. Apparently, they have big plans with their little sister. I love to see that. Even though they have acted up, a few times, in general, they have accepted their little sister very well.

God was good during this time of transition because it seems like it was so easy. It was natural to bring her home the day of her birth. She fit right in, and it felt like we were complete, finally. I haven't had a bad day since..... I am just so happy. I know that it is partly because of my attitude. I am taking everything as a welcomed change, knowing that all of it is just a phase. She will stop eating at night, she will sleep through the night eventually, she will grow and become more independent. So for right now, I am enjoying my last baby! And I am welcoming every phase of it, with JOY.

My Three Rugrats

Yes, there were some not-so-fun moments, but I have a loving and understanding husband, with whom I am able to communicate very well. He has been awesome, giving LOTS of attention to the older two kids, so I can concentrate on the youngest. He understood that I was emotional at times, especially during the first three weeks. Now it feels like, we have all settled down, and this is not so new and foreign anymore. It feels almost like normal and this was always meant to be this way! I have friends that I can talk to and that are so supportive of me. This all has made this a very joyous time for all of us. I feel so blessed and happy right now.