I have been going through this transformation, which I knew would take a while. Now the word 'while' can be a varying length of time, like a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years. And really, it is not up to me anyways - it is in God's hands, His timing, not mine.
Now let's be honest, we are humans, and as humans we get impatient. We want something and we want it now. And isn't society teaching us that when we want something, we should go out and get it, no matter the cost? It teaches us to get what we want, which means to set ourselves to the action, instead of being still and wait. (Psalm 37:7)
But God wants us to stop "conforming to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Then we will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2) HIS will, not ours. We need to learn to slow down and wait and listen!
God wants us/me to do a number of things:
1) put my burdens onto Him, He will carry my loads
2) trust Him
3) wait for His timing
4) accept His plan and
5) do what he asks of me.
It sounds 'easy' enough to follow. But what gets in the way of His plan are our/my expectations. Of ourselves. And unfortunately, of others. Even if we don't want to have those, we do, and we get disappointed. I told myself to only go forward from this point on. But I stumbled. Someone has promised me support, and they failed me. I expected to be at a better place already because I want that change so much. But forgiveness takes time, and so does the healing process. And I need to learn that the only one I can truly rely on a hundred percent is God!
And because I have been here so many times, I know that there is no escape but to run towards God, into His open arms! The biggest lesson I learned is NOT to step away from the Lord. NOT to stop praying, even on my darkest day - because He hears me best on that day. He holds me over the water that day, so I won't drown (in my own self pity probably). So I pray! And I read His word. I probably won't be able to tell you what I read that day, but whatever the passage was, it comforted me. I hold onto His promises.
God understands our hurts, our feelings. He is touched when we come to Him for comfort, He is our father and a loving father comforts His children. He wants to help and heal, more than we can imagine!
Jesus understands, too, because He has been there, rejected, ridiculed, bullied, forsaken. "There is not a single feeling that we cannot bring to Him." says Mr. Seamands in his book. Jesus understands, and He wants to comfort as well.
The Holy Spirit takes us by the hand and leads us. Not only is His presence comforting as well, but He also wants to show us what we need to do to change. He wants us to see that our suffering will make sense. It has a purpose.