04 February 2013

Facing my Problems and Taking Responsibility

So I hope I made you curious with my post about this New Promise. I told you I would keep you up to date with the book and what I am learning. Here I am to face my problems squarely

Let's be honest, it is hard to do that with ourselves. So many times, we can make ourselves believe a certain thing, or we just don't want to admit that it is OUR fault, or that there is something wrong with us. It is much easier to blame others. Or, my personal favorite, to blame circumstances of the past and of today.

It takes some guts to look deep inside yourself and than be honest, ruthlessly truthful about what is wrong, and to admit that there 'might' be a problem here. And what can we base that on? How do we know there is something wrong? I think the person that can be honest with itself will know, and God is there to point it out. Pray about it and the Holy Spirit can show you which area of your life needs change. Be open minded.

There is only ONE truth and that is God's truth. So the more we read His word, the truth, the more we learn what the/His truth is. AND the more we pray for God to show us HIS truth, the more He will listen and grant us that wish. No prayer goes unheard, no prayer unanswered - it might just not always be the answer we hope for, or in the timely manner we expect it. I am learning to just wait.... and wait.... and wait on God.

So how do you start the process of healing? I started with praying for God's grace and wisdom. Digging up those scary memories and those hurt feelings that made living today so unbearable, was hard and uncomfortable. To have God hold that mirror right in my face, was a slap in the face. But I needed to be confronted! Ugh......
I know for some of you, it's a bunch of things, so pull them up one by one and deal with every single one; one at a time. For others, it was one major event that has shaped the person we see today, and it can be so hurtful, and it might be for a while. But I think it's worth it. Then "acknowledge to yourself, and acknowledge it to another human being". This other person can be anybody that you trust: your parents, your spouse, friends, pastors or really anybody that you feel comfortable sharing your deep feelings with. 

I am blessed to have two people in my life who were willing to share this journey with me. My husband and my best friend. They are both very grounded in their believe and are both very wise. I can lean on them and I can ask for advise. I am not afraid to frustrate them because I know they really love me. They love me the way I am today, and at the same time, they are excited to see what person I am becoming. I am truly blessed by them.

It was hard to admit to them what I have been shown: that there is something wrong with me! The way I behaved and acted and reacted was far from being nice.... and honestly, I am surprised that they are both still here. It was hard to be honest. My confession went something like this: "Hi, my name is Ann and I have been verbally abused. That has made me an imperfect person today, with many problems. I have been hurt and I have hurt others. But I acknowledge my wrongdoings and I am willing to change my attitudes. I am surrendering my hurts to God so He can heal me. This is a journey that will not happen overnight. So if you would like to stand by my side, encourage me, let me lean on you, support me, or simply watch me being transformed into a new person, the one that God has really created me to be, then you are welcome. I want to be healed and I need help to do so."  

It wasn't really new News that I can not constantly make excuses for the things that have happened to me, for the way I act today. But it was still hard to read it black on white, bluntly thrown into my face. Ultimately, it is true. I need to take responsibility. I was wronged, yes, BUT I am taking the matter in my own hands now, and then place it into God's. He lightens my burden by taking it onto Him. I am giving up control!

The way I react to my circumstances should not come from a place of being the victim, but from a place of knowing that God is in control and He knows what is best for me. It is my responsibility HOW I act and react to the path that God has chosen for me. It is not an easy way, nor will it be easier in the future. But by taking responsibility for my actions, and at the same time giving up control and surrendering to God, I am walking the path of healing to happiness.

Because there is nothing more that I want! Nothing more than being healed! I know I can be better than I am right now. I don't want to carry all these burdens around with me. Band-aids just don't work anymore on my wounds - they need to be sealed (and healed) forever, so I can forget about them. And I don't want to hurt my family anymore; my husband and my children deserve better! I want to be a wonderful friend that people want to be around (not run away from). It is my responsibility.

So I have covered three major things today:
1) Face Your Problems Squarely
2) Accept Your Responsibility in the Matter
3) Ask Yourself if You Want to be Healed.
Next time, we will work on Forgiving Everyone that Hurt Me, Including myself, and how the Holy Spirit can help to deal with all these real problems, and how to pray for the matter.


C. Beth said...

I love when you talk about taking responsibility but then giving the burden to God. What a great way to see it. Thank you for sharing so openly. I am so happy to be your friend and be walking beside you!