12 March 2010

Where should I be?

Yesterday, I wrote about finding out what God's purpose is for my life. Today I am writing to find out WHERE God wants me and us to be.

Three and a half years ago, we moved halfway across the country. It was a good move. We had all the right reasons: we could have never afforded a house back home, it is expensive to live there. And yet, millions of families just do that! So were we just running away? We, or better me, I got never the feeling God approved nor disapproved of our decision. (Also, I was not that close to Him back then than as I am now!) Everything worked out well, so I guess we had God's blessing on everything. My husband got a good job, we had an apartment first, and then a house - a dream come true! But very soon, we realized what was missing: FAMILY!!!

We used to go over to his parents house all the time. We would spend Sundays there, or at least Sunday night dinners. We would go there to use their pool. We would be around his entire (!) family, including the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, all the time. Yes, my husband's family is very large, on both sides of his parents, so there are a lot of people, and it is always fun to be around them! There were birthday parties, Memorial weekend and Labor weekend celebrations, weddings and funerals, boxing matches and concerts to go to. And we didn't miss any of it.

NOW we are all by ourselves. We miss everything, the celebrations and, yes, also those funerals. Just because there are only so many days of vacation or the airfare is too expensive. Sunday dinners are out, so we are cooking together. Which is great for our marriage.... but our hearts are still bleeding from the lack of family. I am missing family more and more every day! And I kind of feel ready to have us move back, seriously! Sick of feeling 'trapped' without family. It was so nice to always go over there and spend time with everybody. Now we are just missing everything what makes a (big) family. It really sucks! And yes, the occasional babysitter is missed, too, but I am not big on dropping my kids off somewhere, I want to be part of the fun. But an occasional date with my hubby would be nice, or going to the gym more than once a week....

So I am asking God to make it real clear to me WHERE He wants us to be!!! It needs to be very super-clear so I can either start rejoicing, or withdrawing and giving up and conquer and try to be happy where we are and that we have, a house and lots of sun....