03 March 2010

This is good news

A friend of mine is pregnant. I know there are many people pregnant out there, so why is this so special?

Well, if you have read any of my previous posts, you will find out that I had lots of problems with fertility. Due to those problems, I used to be very angry and frustrated, sometimes depressed and definitely desperate at times. Every time I learned that someone in my circle of family and friends got pregnant, I started to feel that anger rise inside myself. Questions of why that one and this one, by accident (!), got pregnant. Hurt and pain every time! I questioned God alot on those as well. My faith had just started to build, after being raised as an atheist!!! So it was so fragile anyway. It was not fun times. At all.

Now, as of today, and yesterday, I am done questioning and thanking God for EVERYTHING He has done in my life. It's like a puzzle and the pieces have come together! It feels like God gave me the inside view on [arts of my life: I had to have two miscarriages in order to really appreciate my first born. And I had to have cancer in order to get a gift truly from God! Our Blessing, our second child that we were longing for for such a long time. It all fits together! I am happy.
Any additional child is bonus - even though as of right now, I think I might be done anyway. That, of course, might change within the next half year or year when Peanut gets bigger and less dependent. Also it IS a question of budgeting, not of wanting children anyway...

So why am I so excited about this pregnancy? Well, for the first time in a long time there is no jealousy. I am totally, completely happy for her! I am excited and want to participate, help her out, and maybe plan a baby shower for her.... I declare that I will enjoy her pregnancy! And I am thankful for that. God is good.


C. Beth said...

I remember when I had my miscarriage it was hard seeing others who were pregnant too--and there was such healing when God gave you another child. My road wasn't nearly as difficult as yours! I am so, so glad that the emotions have turned positive; it's such a relief, isn't it?!