Assumptions and Judgement

We have a lot of choices in this life. Easy ones or hard ones. It starts with: Which cereal am I gonna eat today for breakfast? And it goes to: What university am I going to study? And when a husband and family planning come along, it is more like: How many children are we gonna have and how are we raising them?

This blog post is not about making our own decisions and carry them out, it's about decisions that are taken away from us and can NOT be carried out anymore, according to OUR plan......

When I had Coqui, I made a birth plan that was as natural as you can think, besides the fact that it would take care in a hospital. I didn't want drugs, I wanted to walk, and I didn't want my child being taken away from me after birth. Guess what?! None of that happened. C-sections just don't come drug-free, and due to that, my baby was taken away from me.
If you read some statistics on C-sections and their after-effects on mom and baby, well, one of them is trouble with breast feeding. I tried it for four days, had a lactation consultant talk to me and show me some 'tricks', but to no avail. Finally, I sent the hubby out to buy a pump just to relieve me from the pain I was in! Engorgement, anybody? It hurt so bad, but once I put the pump on, it felt so good....

To make a long story short, I dedicated myself to breast feeding my newborn child - the milk just had to come in a bottle! I did this for nine long months! During that time, our family moved half across the country once, traveled on six different plane rides, and I pumped at pretty much every location that you can think of, including the car in various parking lots, a Jewish temple during a Bat Mitzvah, and on the airplane during the flight (batteries make it possible!). When I did not take the pump with me, I had about three hours for leaving the house and returning home!

You think those breast feeding moms are dedicated? Well, think about all those pumping mamas! The ones that had to return to work because money is tight. The ones that have to travel during breast feeding. And the ones that had the same thing happen to them like what happened to me....... I think we are just a bit more dedicated and it is just not recognized the same..... But you are welcome to proof me wrong.

Why am I even writing about this? Now? Well, I was approached by a friend, confessing that I was judged six years ago for bottle feeding my child. She didn't want anything to do with me because she thought we had nothing in common. She was all into attachment parenting and breast feeding - which I obviously was not. She judged without asking. So I was quite shocked to hear that - because I never thought people could have judged me for that. In Jersey, it is rather more common not to breast feed (personal statement!). I had no idea that people looked down on me for sticking a bottle into my boys mouth. Nobody knew that it had breast milk in it! And I did not think of labeling it either!

Did it bother me that we didn't click and latching just didn't happen? Of course! I had a crisis over it, until many people told me that it doesn't matter HOW the breast milk gets into Coqui's tummy! Breast or bottle, the liquid is the same! And they were right. We bonded just fine. When  he laid in my arms, he gazed up at me, and we connected. I carried him everywhere and I spent LOTS of time with him.

Fast forward three years, I had to bottle feed my second child because it was NOT carried by me. Hence I had no breast milk to give to her. We were at a Nikolaus party at a German friend's house. There I met another mama who's daughter was the same age as Peanut, so just a few months old. She kept disappearing and I didn't think anything of it, until I pulled the bottle (of formula) out and stuck it into her mouth. I was faced with a very surprised/worried/accusative question: "You don't breast feed?" Well, I had to explain where this baby came from, and why I couldn't give her any breast milk. At the end, they thought it was a story with a happy end, but I will remember why I had to tell it in the first place. Judgement!

It still didn't bother me, until now, six and three years later, when confronted with my friend's confession. Now I am wondering, every time I feed my baby in public: What are people thinking of me? Am I being judged for bottle feeding? At the same time, I am also hoping they would ask why - so I can explain that it was NOT my choice not to breastfeed any of my children! I WANTED TO! Very badly. And I am a big supporter for breastfeeding.

But my situation leads me to stand up for all those other women as well. It is a personal choice. I am not alone, there are other women that are in the same situation - blessed with the gift of someone carrying their child. What about adoption? Are they less of parents, less caring? No, there is a reason why they had to or wanted to adopt and can not breast feed. What about the woman that survived breast cancer, or really any cancer, and can not or should not breast feed? What about the woman that had to go back to work and it just didn't work out? The woman that got sick? The Mama that tried and had to give up because it was too stressful? And yes, what about the lady that just didn't want to?
They are ALL mothers that care for their children. And they are feeding their children (compared to the very rare case of a mom who doesn't even do that! - just saying.).

But then there is a whole other league of women out there! Women that are so passionate about breast feeding, that they want to do it for others as well, people like me. So when Peanut was born, there were two other women pregnant and one of those ladies offered to share some milk with us. I blogged about it here. It was such a huge blessing to us. I believe that this milk helped Peanut to grow stronger.

Munchkin has been very lucky as she has been drinking both breast milk and formula since birth. Wonderful Beth pumped up until recently, so Munchkin could have God's best food for babies. I am so thankful for that. There is also a webpage where breastfeeding moms from our state share their milk with mamas who don't have any or their supply is low. I connected with a lady that has given me her milk since before Munchkin's birth. I meet her once a month and she gives me what she has pumped extra next to feeding her own child.

And that is not all - Munchkin has had breast milk from three women, and that is including ME. During the pregnancy, the question of re-lactation came up. I had tried (with pure faith) for Peanut three years ago - and it didn't work. So at first, I was not really interested in stressing over that again. Than, I believe, God put a desire in me to check it out. I hooked up with a lactation consultant at the birthing center, heard what I needed to do, and then talked to my own oncologist, to make sure she would be okay with this. We both felt very strong of NOT using that drug from Canada (that is not available on the American market, for a reason!), so I didn't take it. But I was very open to herbs and just very boring dry pumping..... Again, my dedication and faith in God (that I heard Him right) were blessed with some milk. It was not much at all, as a matter of fact, it was more like an ounce a day! But to me, it was worth it. Munchkin got lots of time on the breast, even if she never drank any milk from it - I bonded with her and that is all that mattered. She got what she needed in a bottle.

Bottles are NOT bad. You don't know what is inside of them! So next time you see someone that does it differently than you, think twice about judging them, or just simply ask! It can lead to some serious miracle reveling. Or maybe a funny story?!

Life can throw us curve balls, things that we didn't expect and certainly didn't ask for. But isn't it about accepting the circumstances and making the best out of it? I believe that every mom has this instinct inside of her to know what is best for her child/children, even if it is not HER best choice......


(And if you are a reader, you might be interested in another woman's journey of providing food for her loved baby, click here: Life As An Exclusively Pumping Mom. She says it all, and I can so relate to this!)

Farm and more farms

This is a picture-loaded post. We went to two farms in a row for our field trips. Farm One was more for fall fun and entertainment. So we did a duck race, the hay ride, three different mazes, pumpkin coloring, and having a picnic. It was alot of fun for the kids.

Coqui, Zoodle, and Chickie working at the pump to make little ducks race through the water

The boys ready for the hay ride

The weather was just perfect for our trip

Coqui and Peanut; but Munchkin and me were there as well.....

Being friends, and making friends.

Farm Two is a working farm, a real farm with animals and fields and, yes, a few fun exhibitions to attract visitors like us. It was fun and the kids actually really learned something. This time, we started with a real picnic and went on excursion then. We participated at another hay ride, a visual tour of the farm, a cow milking, animal exhibitions (snakes, turtles, ostriches, donkeys, crows, pigs, and many more), and flower exhibitions. We walked for quiet some time.....

Lapbook about Health

We have been working on their health lapbooks for two weeks, one week before Columbus and then the week after. It was a lot of work and so the books are quiet big.

This time, we met at a playground, presented the lapbooks in the beautiful sunshine and let the kids play afterwards.

So the lapbook was so big because we wanted to cover a few things that are part of our curriculum and a bit of stuff that Beth wanted to cover. So on the front page you can see ALL the things we talked about, which included: posture, nutrition, exercise, sleep, right thoughts, hygiene, and kindness.

Making the lapbook was fun even though it was alot of work, but it was hands-on and practical and the kids really understood the things we discussed because they are doing them themselves. We had alot of fun with the posture and exercising because we practiced those in the house, counting how many times Coqui or Mami could jump on either leg without falling, etc....

I was looking forward to talk about nutrition as my son had decided a while ago that he doesn't like a lot of food anymore, especially vegetables. So it was good to talk about the food pyramid, or like the plate they are doing now. Beth came up with these two characters, Healthy Herold and Unhealthy Uzziah. SO he had to draw a plate with 'good' food for the boy who makes 'good' choices. And then a plate with the unhealthy choices for the other boy. He had way too much fun with the latter. We even talked about how it makes us feel when we make healthy choices and when we don't make those.

We also did some experiments for this, like counting the glasses of water he drinks per day - which is usually way too little but with this he was motivated to drink more - which has lasted until now.

He also really wanted to trace the different systems of the human body. So we got some tracing paper and a book from the library and went to work. I traced four bodies, you know, only the outer lines of a boy, and he then had to draw (aka copy from the picture) the different systems into the bodies. He did such a good job with that. In the picture, you can see the circulatory system.

Hygiene was one of those things that was good for him to hear. I think boys tend to care a little less how they look or smell or appear to others. It is important for them to know that they don't need to be just handsome but that cleanliness is important to feel good about themselves.

 So we talked about washing hands, and HOW. How to wash their bodies - less dirty to progressively more dirty areas. We talked about their teeth, how to brush them and the role of a dentist. Then we talked about germs - which was a cool topic for the kids. There was quite some laughing going on while working on the worksheets and at the presentation. I guess, for kids, this is funny and fascinating at the same time.


The last thing was talking about clean rooms, folding clothes, and other ways, HOW kids can HELP to live in a clean environment, like their home, the garden, and their community.

Overall, it was two intense weeks, but I think the kids got alot out of it. Which is what we are going for with these lapbooks.

All Three Kids with their Front Page

Coqui's, Chickie's, and Zoodle's Nutritional Plates

And their GERMS...

Homemade Mint Chocolate Ice Cream

I am not a very creative person, so I do need to point out that I came up with this recipe by myself (with an idea from my sister-in-law)! So drum roll please.....

I am introducing Annie's Mint Chocolate Ice Cream:
yes, it's not chocolate chip! So there is no mistake in leaving that out! You will see....

Ingredients:
1 cup of regular cow milk
2 cups of heavy cream
3/4 cup sugar 
1 pinch of salt
1 table spoon vanilla extract
1/2 table spoon peppermint extract (or if you like it strong a full spoon)
a few drops of green food coloring
1 cup of Andes Baking chips (Creme de Menthe)

Instructions: 
- measure 1 cup of the Andes Chips and put them in a bag into the freezer (preferably overnight)
- set the stove to a low heat
- in a saucepan, combine the milks, sugar, salt and extracts and bring just to a boil
- remove from the stove right away and let it cool down a bit
- transfer it to a container that can go into the refrigerator
- let it cool there for about 2 to 3 hours, until really cool (again, overnight is best)
- get your ice cream maker out and use as directed by the manufacturer
- I add the mixture to the bowl and let it churn for about 15 minutes
- add the mint chips right before you are ready to turn of the ice cream maker off
- when ready, transfer the ice cream into a container to place it in the freezer (for about 2 hours)
- it makes about a quart of ice cream that becomes more like a quart and a half with the chips!

Now, why the green food coloring? This is from my kids. The first time I made this ice cream, I used only the peppermint extract and chocolate chips. It was okay for me, but my kids refused to eat it because they told me that the store-bought mint choc chip ice cream is green! And because I want to please my children, I added the color for their eyes only! It doesn't change the taste or anything. so you can leave it out!

Peanut happens to love MY ice cream just as much as the store-bought kind - which makes this Mami very happy! (Coqui is still reluctant - he has no idea what he is missing!) And Munchkin eyeballs my bowl as if she knew what it is.... I would assume she'll devour it just as Mami and sister do!

Columbus, Columbus, sailed across the sea....

..... And found a very special land
That belongs to you and me.

Columbus,Columbus,we celebrate your day,
In fourteen hundred and ninety-two
When you sailed our way.

(you have to sing this to the tune of "sailing, sailing"!)

Well, on a certain Monday a few weeks ago (yes, I am very behind with my blog posts!), we celebrated a special day in honor of a special man. So we took the opportunity to get some history lesson into our curriculum. Our themed week was all about Christopher Columbus.

We went to the library but couldn't find many (or any) books on him - either they didn't have any or they were all gone by the time we got there. So we had to do without a major story. But the internet is a wonderful place for resources, we did without it.

On Friday, we got together and the kids had to present their lapbooks to each other. It is always such a 'battle' to fight who presents first.... Coqui got to go first.....

I am always surprised how much Coqui retains in his little brain. He still has trouble reading some of the stuff, but he is getting better at it. And most of all, we have fun doing it.