Past due post....

I finally finished a post today that I had started a year ago... There was just too much stuff going on at the time, and still is.... but I managed to get to it now and published it finally. Please click on the link below:

Being Blessed: The pure medical side of it...

Feeling pregnant?

Today's post goes back in time.... the symptoms of being pregnant.

When we were "pregnant" with our blessing, things were sometimes not that easy, so it was hard for me to write it down here.... that's why there are so many 'empty' months.... And now that everything is over, it is easier to talk about it, in perspective.

So today, I want to talk about being pregnant, or feeling pregnant, or the lack of it. As I was not the one carrying our blessing, I did not have to deal with any symptoms. That can be a good thing, or a bad one. When I was carrying our first born, it was an easy pregnancy, no complications. No nausea. So I wouldn't have expected any this time around.... unfortunately, I didn't even get a chance to prove that theory. And I have to say that it was quiet hard to get ready for the baby if it is not there with you all the time. I mean the nesting. I did some preparation, of course, but my hormones didn't!!! So once you get that bundle of joy handed over, you are very happy.... but still the hormones are not there. For them, it's just another day....
So the transformation from being pregnant-on-the-sideline to mother-first-hand was much harder than expected.... My brain had to tell my hormones that we are suppose to be up every three hours at night to feed that beautiful baby. It was my brain that told my hormones and heart that this crying bundle of joy needs all my love..... Today, I can say, that every single organ and hormone and cell of my body has caught up with the brain. I am in love, totally in love with my beautiful daughter.....

She IS that blessing that we prayed for, for such a long time.

Too much?

This is going to be a short posting.....
As you know, we just came back home, from New Jersey, where Peanut was born. Well, it took me over one whole day to pack the car for the road trip - and it took my husband over an hour to unpack the same car. Now it was my duty to unpack all the luggage we had. And yes, within two and a half month away from home, you need a few things and a couple of clothes. As Coqui is a growing boy, that is still somewhat potty-training, I tend to over-pack for him.....
In anticipation of Peanut's arrival, I packed a few things for him/her (we didn't know the sex of the baby!). That was about one box of Coqui's old baby clothes, some leftover diapers and such. Well, let me tell you - we came back with more stuff for Coqui - Mema buys! But that is almost nothing compared to what I had to bring home for Peanut.... I piled it all up in her closet on the floor. It is insane!!! She has more clothes than she'll be able to wear!And we still have about six boxes with clothes from Coqui.... I might have the best dressed girl in the neighborhood.....

So I want to be thankful for all the gifts we received in the past six weeks. It is such a blessing to us. Makes us feel all loved and warm around the heart.... THANK YOU. God is good and always a provider! He gives and gives and gives.....

Breast milk

We came home on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I started to defrost some of that 'gold' we had in the fridge from a wonderful woman from our church.....
Yesterday, I was still mixing it with the formula, just to get Peanut used to the different taste. She didn't seem to mind any way. But today, she got her first bottle exclusively with breastmilk. She drank it all.... Whoo hoo....
God is so awesome to put people you need in our paths. It just totally blows my mind. We have been so blessed all this way..... and even if the path was not always smooth, it was totally worth it. Not just for having Peanut in our lives, but also just to experience the beauty of family and friends. I never met people like this before... people that just drop everything to do something for you, without that they get something out of it.....

GOD IS GOOD, no, no, let me rephrase that: GOD IS AWESOME. And only God can give us that peace and comfort and help and support and all the good stuff.
I love my Lord and I want to serve Him with all that I have..... Amen.

It's a .......

Hi everyone,

it has been some time, but I want to share some great news: our little miracle happened about a month ago.

We got induced early because our carrier wanted it so. We were able to spend some time with her in the morning. But once she got the epidural, we had to leave. The baby was born about three hours after that. We had to wait outside the whole time. And it's a.... (*drum roll*) .... girl!!!! Yeah. Her name is 'Peanut', weighed just enough and is totally beautiful. Perfect.

So as I said, we had to wait outside the Labor and Delivery Section which really sucked. Sorry the word, but that is the only thing that I can think off to describe the feeling of waiting there and not knowing what is going on. Nobody came out to tell us. So we did not get to witness the birth. It was a 'little' disappointing, as I was very much looking forward to being the first one to see the baby, Daddy announcing the sex and so on. The nurses are just not qualified enough to handle a case like ours, because this is not what usually happens. I appreciate the time we had in the morning. But once we left for that late lunch, we never made it back into the room. And the not-knowing part really made it a disappointing experience. Eventually, three hours later, they finally called us back in, saying that the baby was born already. I was shocked, to say the least, and real mad. But I got madder when they wouldn't let us in the room to see her. It probably took only ten minutes, but it sure felt like a lifetime. And while waiting, I totally lost it. I remember hitting my head in the wall because I was real upset. The nurses tried to hush me into another room, but I would not budge. Then somebody told me that we have a beautiful girl and there are just some issues with the mother.... Mother? I am the mother! Don't they get it? I kept telling them that I am the mother and that I want to see my baby, I kept hitting that wall, and I guess finally, they just wanted me to be quiet and let us see her.

She was beautiful and so fragile. She cried and I was so mad that nobody would let me hold her and console her - because, you know, that's what mothers do best!!! Oh well. It took them an eternity to measure and wash and rub and take foot prints and give her her first shot..... but finally they said that we have a room to settle down and stop me from any outbreaks I guess. They cared us over to the Infant Section, into our room where I was finally able to hold her. What a feeling. I was happy, happy, happy.

They gave us that room to ourselves for the entire time. I guess after my outbreak they kind of realized what was going on. It's not an adoption where we separate mother and child. Our carrier did an awesome thing, but technically speaking, she was 'just' the oven. The way they treated us felt more like we are the bad guys. We also explained to somebody what happened, that this was our biological child, and that we just wanted to be with her.
Our Blessing stayed with us for the two nights we were there. They just wanted to keep her for 24 hours and as she was born so late in the afternoon, we had to stay that extra night. Daddy stayed with us the entire time, so it was great bonding time for all of us. He is a rock!

Once we got home, it was Coqui who needed some adjustment. (We are still working on it.) He loves his 'brother' Peanut, wants to hug her all the time or feed her or even change her diaper. He fed her a couple of times, even if he only lasts for about two minutes, declaring that she got too heavy..... It is so cute to see them together. This is what we have been waiting for for such a long time.

The Hubby is back home, but we are finally having a set day to follow him. I can not wait! I am constantly packing something, getting really excited.
At home, we have our whole church family waiting for us! I feel so blessed and excited about that. It makes leaving here easier, knowing that there are loving people waiting for us at home. I am looking forward to show off my baby girl to all our friends....

And I am looking forward to finding a new schedule for both kids. I want to spend real quality time with Coqui, and of course, bonding time with Peanut.

Thanks for reading,
Blessed Mami

False Alarm - REVISED

We are in week 38, tomorrow starts week 39.... so close to the end!

But last night we had a 'scare' as we were told that we might be in labor. Three hours later, I guess it was decided by the doctors that we are not...... but since then, my stomach has not been the same! Feels like butterflies, just like when you fall in love....
I am so excited. And scared at the same time... When will it be the real deal? And what will happen? I know nobody knows but there is alot involved here. This is not my body and the hospital will put Our Carriers wishes first! That is kind of upsetting to me as this is MY child to be born.... and I want to be part of it as much as they allow me to be... and that part of the equation really scares me. Well, we will see how it goes....

Thanks for reading.

it has been a long time

Hey everyone,
I still haven't decided yet, if I want to publish this blog.... I see my friends do it, but it still scares me a little to be that open. Being open also means being vulnerable.
But I do want to share what happened today. It is August 3rd, and we went to an ultrasound this morning. Our blessing got its name Peanut a while back. We are in week 36, so only a little bit more to go. So we got to see him/her (still don't know!).

Peanut weighs 5 lbs. 11 oz - woo hoo!!! I am so happy about that. As the carrier is still not gaining much weight. It is in the 40%, so we still have a little bit more weight to gain before it can come out. The baby's head is down. It is kicking like crazy - I love it. Fluids look great, placenta looks good, everything looks good. So I am relieved and happy.

Yeah.

First Appointment

So after we made contact with this awesome person, we started to get to know each other better. I mean we had known each other for four years, but more like 'hi' and 'bye', and not much else. It is sad, but that how life is sometimes.

She has two kids of her own, and the younger is only two months younger than Coqui - so they actually got to know each other as well.

She was willing to do the most awesome thing somebody can do for someone else! But we love her not just for that! At that point, none of us knew what to expect. So it was kind of scary, but at the same time, also exciting. It brought us closer together as a family, and with the extended family. So I hope it will be a blessing throughout the entire process...

As the first step, we made an appointment with the clinic - I won't mention its name. This appointment with the doctor was just pure information gathering from both sides. We wanted to know what is all involved in such a process. And the doctor, of course, wants to know our medical history. So it was set for mid-/ late September last year.

After the appointment, we felt we learned some stuff but not all.... it was a little disappointing. They asked us a lot of questions, especially us. By the way, we are considered 'donors' - ask how we feel about that!!! Well, not very good, as this is our child, and always will be our child. That is quite a bummer.... Also we learned, that our case is actually pretty 'easy' - as none of us have any abnormalities, medically spoken of course. Besides the fact, that I can not do this on my own. Which is sad for me... but I will get to my own feelings in a little while.

New Hope

Today I want to talk about why there is new hope.

Not that there weren't any in between, but it was sad and frustrating at times. We know that God was always near us, but it didn't feel like it at times. So in August 2008, we came to New Jersey to celebrate my son's, Coqui, 2nd birthday with the entire family. Also every year - I mean there were only two so far - I write a letter to family and friends to update everyone about what is going on in Coqui's life. The first year's letter was full of all the firsts a newborn goes through. Last year's letter was like that, too. Unfortunately, we had to add the cancer story as well.
And as sad as we were, we always had some hope, and faith, I guess. In writing this letter, I think I got a message from God. As I know I couldn't have come up with that much faith and knowledge on my own. Somehow I knew that there will be a person sent by God to help us. I didn't know in which way, nor when it would happen.
So I sent the letter out, and got a couple of responses. Until one day..... that miracle that we had hoped for was about to become reality.... I mean, I remember our old Pastor saying once: "If you need a miracle, expect a miracle." And within a month of receiving this message, I got finally pregnant with Coqui. But I also know that it doesn't always work.... does it? well, the God I know works wonders and miracles, so.....

So back to this new hope miracle. My mother-in-law received a phone call from someone from the family. And when she told me afterwards what that person had proposed to us, I was absolutely in shock. She was willing to carry our baby for us..... WOW.
I hadn't expected that, especially that fast.... but my.... I didn't know what to say or what to think....

After the first contact was made - not that we didn't know each other, but it was very different circumstances this time - we sat down and talked for a loooong time. It was like so surreal... it was exciting and scary at the same time. But most of all, we felt soooo thankful for the Lord's answer to prayers. Because without Him, we wouldn't be where we are now...

Oh Lord, you always provide. You are so awesome! Even when we encounter life's trials, you never stop loving us - but we forget.... I am asking you to forgive me for ever doubting you. Because we should know that you only put us through trials we can handle... and those trials are there to show us the wonders of your hands. It is amazing that a cancer story turned out to be a blessing for two families - none of them could have ever expected to experience. We are so thankful for His work. Lord, I am in awe of you....

Amen.