Teething? - again?

Today, just a few words!

Because I am actually tired! I have had no energy all day, no motivation, and tonight, my sweet little girl had another screaming session..... she was tired, I know that for a fact! But when I put her down for nighttime, she didn't go to sleep. First, she was just fuzzing a little, but that soon turned into crying and then just pure screaming. Nothing worked: rocking her (which I usually NEVER do because I learned my lesson with Coqui!), talking to her, or just letting her scream it out.... After an hour, I broke.... and brought her downstairs - the first time I am trying this. She started out with just laying her on my shoulder, then to smile and then to 'flirt' with the Hubby. Then she lifted her head and started playing with her binky - yes, she is still using one.... I simply knew there was no way of her going to sleep at this point.
So we waited patiently for about half an hour, then I brought her back upstairs. And believe it or not, she fell asleep within 4 minutes, me rocking her. Yeah....
Now I think I hear my bed calling.... Good Night.

PS: during this process, I looked at the Hubby and said: "Thank goodness she is our second child, because if she would have been number One, there would be no number Two." Of course, now, I think a little different, but I am not sure how many more kids we'll have after this....

Where should I be?

Yesterday, I wrote about finding out what God's purpose is for my life. Today I am writing to find out WHERE God wants me and us to be.

Three and a half years ago, we moved halfway across the country. It was a good move. We had all the right reasons: we could have never afforded a house back home, it is expensive to live there. And yet, millions of families just do that! So were we just running away? We, or better me, I got never the feeling God approved nor disapproved of our decision. (Also, I was not that close to Him back then than as I am now!) Everything worked out well, so I guess we had God's blessing on everything. My husband got a good job, we had an apartment first, and then a house - a dream come true! But very soon, we realized what was missing: FAMILY!!!

We used to go over to his parents house all the time. We would spend Sundays there, or at least Sunday night dinners. We would go there to use their pool. We would be around his entire (!) family, including the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, all the time. Yes, my husband's family is very large, on both sides of his parents, so there are a lot of people, and it is always fun to be around them! There were birthday parties, Memorial weekend and Labor weekend celebrations, weddings and funerals, boxing matches and concerts to go to. And we didn't miss any of it.

NOW we are all by ourselves. We miss everything, the celebrations and, yes, also those funerals. Just because there are only so many days of vacation or the airfare is too expensive. Sunday dinners are out, so we are cooking together. Which is great for our marriage.... but our hearts are still bleeding from the lack of family. I am missing family more and more every day! And I kind of feel ready to have us move back, seriously! Sick of feeling 'trapped' without family. It was so nice to always go over there and spend time with everybody. Now we are just missing everything what makes a (big) family. It really sucks! And yes, the occasional babysitter is missed, too, but I am not big on dropping my kids off somewhere, I want to be part of the fun. But an occasional date with my hubby would be nice, or going to the gym more than once a week....

So I am asking God to make it real clear to me WHERE He wants us to be!!! It needs to be very super-clear so I can either start rejoicing, or withdrawing and giving up and conquer and try to be happy where we are and that we have, a house and lots of sun....

What Do I Want?

I think I mentioned this before, we are doing a Beth Moore bible study at church. I have been pretty bad in doing the homework, but this week's session really spoke to me. So in only 1 1/2 days, I have almost completely finished the homework! (5 days worth!) Oh, it is the book of Esther. And this week's session was on the courage of Esther. Beth Moore said that sometimes "we can protect ourselves right out of our callings". I reckon that is true. I have not learned yet to listen to God.... so I am still waiting for my calling.... or at least I think it is still unknown. At the beginning, we were suppose to share with a friend what we expect of this study: mine was that I want to find out what I am suppose to do with my life, find my purpose and find my calling. Funny that it has come back so soon....

A calling for what God wants you to do can take alot of courage! I am sure that in our life, it will be nothing like for Esther, I mean a matter of life or death. It will be more like moving somewhere that God needs us, or spend all your savings on a business... Well, I have taken the courage to move to a different continent, check! Then I took all my savings, which were not much as I had to support myself through college, and invested it in my family, check! So what's next???

I want to hear from God so badly. I want to know what I am good at? Yes, sadly to say, I don't know.... I am longing for my purpose, for what I am suppose to do. It is almost painful to wait for it.....

Then I did my homework, working on the character of Haman, or rather is lack of character. And I found out that maybe I have done something already....
"Any time God calls us to die, His purpose is to reveal larger life." Check. I was diagnosed with cancer, that was shocking enough. He healed me and I certainly have a different view and perspective on life now. He even gave us another child, something we thought not possible for a long time. He certainly answers prayers!!!

But still, I have the feeling something is missing. I feel my finger tips tingle wanting to do something. My mind aches trying to find what it is.... Of course it doesn't help to see that all my friends around me are more successful than me, having their own business, being younger than me, being more successful in their family, too..... oh the pressure!!! And yes, I know, that pressure is totally self-created! Nobody tells me what a terrible cook I am, WHEN I cook - that is not very often. Nobody tells me what a looser I am not owning my own business. Nobody is telling me what a terrible mother I am when I lose my self-control with a crying baby and stubborn toddler.... oh the pressure!
Then on the other hand, I am asking myself: am I just some copycat seeing that it has worked for others? I mean I started many things in my life: photography, drawing, sewing, scrap booking,... What am I suppose to be? Who am I suppose to be?

So while doing my homework, a thought crossed my mind: "I have a mental preoccupation" and not on myself!!! Just thinking of all the things others have accomplished and what is 'wrong' with me, diminishes my joy of what I have and have accomplished in my life! And that is? I mean I moved to a different country, twice; learned those languages, pretty easily. I supported myself through the college years by myself, and with the help of lots of people that God put in my way to help me. One of my photographs was published in a little known magazine. I was once co-editor and then main editor in our college art magazine. That is a little something, right? I do have some small talents, I guess.... now I just have to figure out what my main talent is and....? I DO WANT GOD's APPROVAL! Is that so wrong? So I pray daily for God to reveal my purpose to me.

Past due post....

I finally finished a post today that I had started a year ago... There was just too much stuff going on at the time, and still is.... but I managed to get to it now and published it finally. Please click on the link below:

Being Blessed: The pure medical side of it...

I made an apron!

The thoughts of being able to sew whatever you like is really intriguing. So when I mentioned this to my neighbor, she offered to lend me her machine. So I went out to buy some fabric and started using hers. It took me little while to get used to her machine, but I did it. I made bed sheets for Coqui, a pillow case and even a blanket. In a few years, I will probably be embarrassed by it, but for now it worked great. Because I don't use any patterns, I just started and saw where it brought me and it actually came out pretty good.

So for Christmas, I got my very own sewing machine, from my lovely husband. And I decided that I 'needed' an apron. I kept looking around in stores but never found the 'right' one. Buying the fabric was a little tricky because I wasn't sure what I really wanted. For the pattern, I thought, this time, I need to at least glance at some more professional stuff, so I did. I cut out all the pieces that I thought I needed and then started sewing.



Of course, I can only sew at night when the kiddos are asleep. So it took me a little while. Also I ran into some problems with the machine here and there, that took more time than anticipated. I don't know what happened from working one day and then the next, it would all get tangled. Or it would not sew with the correct tension anymore. One day I gave it another try when Coqui was around. He asked me what I was up to and offered help right away. He got his tools out and went to work, pretending to be Handy Manny. (For those that don't know who he is, he is a cartoon character from a TV show, Spanish and fixes everything in his hometown.)
Here is a picture:

It is so funny, that he looked at a plan first, then tried different ways, even got his flashlight out, just like Handy Manny. At the end, he gave up and told me he couldn't fix it. Oh well. Finally, I sat down last night, and tried a couple of things, WITH the instruction manual. I reloaded the bobbin, and it worked! I was so happy. I could finally finish my apron....
So, here I am - I did it. It is done.

It is not a masterpiece, but will work for now.