Bad Girl

So today's post on Facebook was something like this: "Today, I am not a big fan of my daughter."

Oh yes. This is true. She is amazing at pushing ALL my buttons. You tell her not to do something and she has to go back again and again. I know this is part of this stage. Coqui did some of it, too. BUT he stopped after getting his hands slapped once or twice. He really did. It's not my bad memory. Her? Not at all. She keeps going. And sometimes, she does it looking at you (or in that case me), smiling. Now there you know that she knows better but chooses to do it anyway....

It's so frustrating.

So today, it just seemed to be a little more than usual. Pushing my buttons all day long. For instance, throwing a fit because I want to feed her her morning cereal. Dumping her lunch, plate and all, on the floor because, I guess, she didn't like it. Getting into her brother's draws and pulling out all his clothes. Screaming inside the store over and over, even after being told not to. Touching shoes constantly. (And I mean, shoes are just so filthy!) Etc.... etc.....etc.....
But to top ALL that off, tonight, she pulled off her dirty diaper. After dinner, I had to still make the hubby's dinner who came late from work. So the kids were playing downstairs, and I had to step outside to get the food form the grill. In that instance, she pulled off her poopie diaper and smeared it all over the kitchen floor. Now there, I was mad!!! I was enraged! And I had to spank her for that. After that, I dropped her into the tub and washed her. And then we had an hour of somewhat normality, until she went to bed.

Now, please, someone, explain to me why??? Why is she not listening? Why is she choosing punishment over complying? Why did God think I needed her to be like this?Is because I can pay less attention to her because there are two of them now? Or is it just her? Why does she think this is funny?
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her! I love her with all my heart. I wanted her and I still want her. I just also want her to listen! So we can have fun!!! Together! Not just Coqui and me.

So I guess my prayer for tonight is that tomorrow will be a better day! Amen.

My old hobby renewed

When I was in school, I was not much of a runner. I could do short runs. I was not the fastest but not the slowest either. But I never ran outside of school if I didn't have to. When I started to work and I had to sit for the majority of the day at my desk, so I thought it might be a good idea. A coworker was really into running, so I tried it out. It was okay. For the next fourteen years, I have been running on and off, probably more off though. But I actually enjoy running. For the past two years, I have been going to the gym where I have been using the treadmill of course, and I liked it. My friend Beth started her running journey about a year ago, starting with the couch-to-5K program. It seemed to work for her, but I knew that I didn't need to start all the way on the bottom of things.

Need less to say, she inspired me and encouraged me, AND offered to watch my kids for me when I go running. So I started about a week and a half ago. I went to her house, dropped the kids off, and went running. And I ran, and walked some. It felt great. But that was just once a week. And I understand, she can not watch my kids every day for me, and she does live a little far from us to do this on a more regular basis. So now I just had to figure out when I could go running. Because I have a daughter that doesn't stay with many people - or should I say anybody? So it is a little harder than with my outgoing son. The hubby is at work all day, and when he comes home, it's time for dinner and bath and bedtime. Do I still have some energy left to go running after that? It is fall and winter now, so that means it will be dark. And he doesn't like me running here at night. So I figured, I go in the morning! There will be no rapist sitting at 5 am just waiting for me to run by..... So I made the decision to go running in the mornings. He gets up at 5:30 am, so I just have to get myself motivated enough to get up as well. For the few times I have done it, it worked. I just run a little mile or mile and a half. And you know what, it makes me wake up, and I fell energized for the rest of the day. What a great way to start the day.

Some runs were good, some runs were just dragging myself to the finish line. I need alot of encouragement to keep going. This morning, I got to run a longer run, and it was a great success for me. Mostly when I ran so far, I had to walk a few times in between and then keep running. I had never done an entire run with just running. So today, I felt good, and I thought I just need to push myself a little. And wouldn't you know it, I ran the entire time, for 2 1/2 miles! I am very proud of myself. And I feel very encouraged. Thank you, dear friend.

Weight loss in the bible

Well, wouldn't you know it! Yesterday, I was praying to God for a change in my eating habits and myself. I mean, I became a Vegan after surviving cancer. I made that decision to be and stay healthy. And three years later I can not explain what happened.

But last night and today, I found something that made me think, at least! Thinking is good, I guess. I googled what the bible has to say about weight loss and I actually got a 'few' hits on that subject. I was surprised.

So there is a website that had an article about "Using the Bible to Lose Weight". And it says that the subject appears over and over in the bible starting pretty much in the first book Genesis. The bible mentions specific foods that were eaten in those days, and it states that overindulging foods is seen as a greed. Wow, that actually struck me in a way that I had never thought about it. Me, having a greed? No way. But once I thought about it properly, it is true, it makes sense. The bible also mentions fasting, not as a weight loss tool but maybe more like a starting point to a new diet, a more bible-based diet. Then it mentioned that many churches "support Bible-based weight loss programs and hold meetings and workshops to help members support each other in their diet journey". Oh, I like that! Where do I sign up?
Well, it also says that once applying those biblical principals to our own life, we will shed pounds, feel energized and free our bodies of toxins. That sounds good. And I have to agree because I have done the Daniel's Fast a few times, and it made me feel less intoxicated.

So in my new effort to do something good to my body, I will pick up one of the three recommended books:

The Lord's Table: A Biblical Approach to Weight Loss by Mike Cleveland

Be Healthy!: A Christian Alternative to Weight Loss Diets by Marcia Haynes-Cody

The Bible Cure for Weight Loss and Muscle Gain by Don Colbert

I have to learn how to use prayer as a tool to stay strong throughout my journey and how it can help me to resist any temptations that are thrown my way. One article mentioned that our food intake should be there to glorify God. Our body should be seen as holy temples. So we should treat them like that, not like a garbage disposal or landfill of unhealthy foods. Oh, it is so true. When I write about this, it all makes so much sense. How am I not going in the kitchen to eat that Vegan cheesecake I made this morning? Resistance! Stay away from the fridge!

And I have to remember that I am not losing weight for someone else but for me, myself and I. God made us all different - different for a reason. And I am made beautiful by God. I just have to lose a few pounds to look a little better, but most importantly to be healthy!!!

Prayer for a better self

I always have been a 'big' girl. I mean I am not fat, but definitely, I could lose a couple of pounds. So it seems naturally that I always look critically at myself. As a Christian I shouldn't. But I have not been a Christian for a long time. Growing up - and it doesn't matter on which continent that is - it seems, still, that model figures rule! They are the norm. So how can we not see each other like that? How can we not judge someone just because they have a few pounds too much on them?

Most days, I am fine with the way I look, but there are a few days, that I really struggle. When I can't stand to look in the mirror. When I know that certain clothes just won't fit. And it is so frustrating. Frustrating because it seems it isn't just eating too much. My bones are broader than others. So even if I lose, my hips won't get smaller. If I don't eat anything for days, I still won't lose a thing. Stress doesn't bother me, or my weight. You know like some people have a little drama and they drop ten pounds right away....
Frustrating because for the past month, I have tried (and I thought succeeded) to eat less in general, to eat less in the evening in front of the TV, and exercised. Guess what! I gained two pounds! How frustrating is that?

I am not sure how my body works! Really. I am not one of those people who feel inside.... I just don't! So I am actually ready to see a nutritionist. Maybe. I am not sure if that person can help me but I am just plain frustrated! It makes eating a rather unenjoyable affair where everything that goes in my mouth comes along with a bad conscience. I am ready for a change.... a real change that will last a lifetime! I want to love myself! I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I also want to be healthy. Healthy for myself and for my kids. Healthy to live my life to the fullest. I want to be able to run without dragging my body across the asphalt. Healthy to live a long life. I am a cancer survivor, why does this weight loss seems to be so much harder?

So my prayer for tonight is that I will find support in God to help me, to support me, to make me strong when I need to be strong, to show me ways to change, to hold me back when I want to fall backwards. I am purposely writing this in the midst of the 'eating season', meaning Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the goodies that come along with the end of the year season. I don;t want to stuff myself. I am praying for something to click in my head that says enough! Please God, stand by side. I need you. Amen.

Speed

The hubby and I went to a football game on Saturday. You know that they don't allow purses or bags in the stadium, or at least we didn't want to deal with security and such hassles. So I gave the Hubby my ID and my phone. Well, guess what happened! I never got my ID back. And this has happened to me before. Try traveling with babies and toddlers. When I have to fly and go through security, I usually stick my purse in the suitcase and put my wallet in the backpack that I carry with the kids' stuff. It usually takes me up to a week to remember to put my ID back in my purse, so I don't drive without a license.

So driving without a license is against the law and you can get a penalty for it. Right? So on Monday (and Tuesday), I was driving and just before I reached my destination, I remembered that I drove without my license! Oh bummer.... guess when I remembered? When I saw the cop in front of me of course! So of course, on my way back, I drove as nice as I could. That means for me, that I have to drive the speed limit. I am sorry, I am German and this one is really hard for me. Most times, I drive with cruise control, because I have a 'heavy foot'. So that day, and the next, I forced myself to drive just under the speed limit. It's hard.

And here comes my point of why I even wanted to write this. While I was driving so 'slow' down my way, I was thinking: if I was a cop, a person driving BELOW the speed limit would be much more suspicious than a person driving just a little over! Don't you agree? I mean the speed limits over here (in this beautiful country that I love) are just so SLOW!!! It is hard to drive this slow. So if you decide to drive even slower than that, there must be something wrong with you or your car, right? Oh well. I guess I got used to it in the past ten years.

Drive safe, and with a license!

Detergent

Okay, lately, I am feeling like an advertisement company... and so here I go again with yet another product of great value in my life. Okay, okay, that is a little much.... but hear me out!

As you might know, I am cloth diapering my daughter. (read here about it and here) Trying to be efficient, I did some research and found out, back in the day, that you need to wash these diapers in special detergent. I know that scared a lot of people off. But because I am shopping at a certain grocery store like every week, I didn't mind picking it up there. It works great for the smell and also for the dirty business that those diapers have to endure.

Now I have to admit that it kind of threw me off at first that this detergent didn't smell. What I mean is it didn't stink like perfume. We used the wonderful brand Tide for the past five years and we were happy. Then a friend of mine found an article about that particular brand having the highest amount of some cancer-causing ingredient of all tested detergents. Mmmh, could that be? So that scared me a little and I thought to myself, why not using the detergent from the CDs for all my clothes. As I said, it kind of was weird to pull them out of the machine and it didn't smell like a Douglas store....

But then I got to see some of the washing results. It was amazing what this detergent can do! I mean next to pee that had been sitting in the pail for two days, and the poop, it also removed berry stains of the worst kind without any pre-treatment! Usually when I have a bad stain, I would use some stain remover and let it sit. Not anymore! I wash it when I get to it, with this wonderful detergent. And it comes out!

So not only am I doing a good thing for the environment but also for ourselves and our health. So I have to buy less 'chemicals' that goes on our clothes and eventually on our skin. To top that off, this detergent needs only a tiny cap (not cup!) full of detergent. It is about the same price like the one we used before. So I think at the end, I might actually safe some money here... Great!

So I am in love and never will go back!

Christmas shopping list

Can you believe it is mid-November? Time just seems to fly by the older we get. Seems like yesterday that we were in the middle of summer, on vacation and getting ready for the fall. Now it is cold outside - not as cold as up north, but still.... And everywhere you go, it just screams Christmas.... Are you ready for it?

And every year, I am sure, we all have several lists - one for things to do, the other for gifts to buy! Do you? Well, I have one. Or more actually. One is for buying things like gift ideas for the family and friends. The other is a wish list that I have been having for the past, say, three years. On this list, there are things that I would like to have, eventually. I know it's crazy. Mostly, really, it's just books. But a few other things as well. Do you have a list? Or more than one?

Well, my son is actually "reading" the Toys'R'us catalog and tells me all about his wishes. His list is about a foot long..... but thank God, he understands that some things are too expensive - living on a budget these days - so he knows that Santa might not bring them all.... I am thankful for that. He is such a good boy and I hate to disappoint him, but things are just a little tighter this year.

Do you believe in Santa? Do your kids do? Well, we decided on believing in Santa, for our kids. So we told our son, who has some listening issues lately, that Santa will only come if you listens better in the future. So far, he has improved his listening skills somewhat, enough for me to see the effort. So now every time he tells me a wish he has, he asks, too, if Santa heard his wish. I tell him that he did, but that doesn't mean he gets it.... It is so tricky.....

Merry Christmas in advance.....

Blessing someone else

This blog is about me and my family and our journey together and our many blessings in this life. In a children song that we often play in the car, it says something like 'stand still and count your blessings, you'll be surprised at how many they are'. Very deep for a kid's song. Yet so true. I am constantly writing about how blessed I feel and we truly are!

So I want to share once again how blessed I feel but this time to bless someone else. My neighbor just had a baby - I wrote a birth story on it! So when I asked her what I can do for her, her requests were to cook for her. I thought I don't hear right - me, cooking? Have you not heard me when I said I don't like cooking? Have you not read my story on 'Daily struggle with dinner'?
So I told her I will see what I can do. I mean I can do errands for you, I can take the older kid and watch them for you, I can even clean the house for you if necessary. But cook?

When I got home, I thought to myself that she needs me for this particular thing, so I better get my act together. And after all, this does not involve any meat cooking. I can do Vegan, right? SO when I shopped for us, I shopped a little more than usual. And I started cooking. Vegan. The first day, I came with a small dish of lentil soup, not knowing what she would think of it. She liked it. Okay, I can do this. The second day, I came with a dish of mushrooms and couscous. She liked it even better. OKay, I think by now I was on a roll and I actually enjoyed it. First of all, someone needs me, so I better get to it, and second of all, she likes my cooking. One-dish-meals are the best and I eat them for myself all the time! Just the hubby and my son don't like it much.... I have to train them better, I guess....

To make a long story short, I provided five meals for her for the entire last week. I even baked a cake. I went shopping twice. And I took her daughter out one day, so she gets out of the house. And you know what - it felt soooo good! Just to be needed and to be there. For an honor to help. I loved it and I even loved the cooking. I am still getting my glass containers back, one at a time, and each time it reminds me of someone actually liking my food. How cool?

Now I have more confidence in cooking. Actually, I even have figured out how to make it every day with much less struggle. I talk to the Hubby and ask him what he wants. This is what I had been waiting for. So we are planning together! Yippy. Then I prepare everything possible when Peanut is taking her nap. Coqui is good at playing by himself for a while, though he will interrupt me occasionally. But it seems to work. SO either, I just have to warm it up for dinner, or I cook it then quickly on the grill when we come home from our afternoon activity.

Thank you, neighbor!

Susan Komen Race to the Cure 2010

On Sunday, I participated in the Susan Komen Race to the Cure. One of about 19.500 individuals. It was cold, very cold, close to freezing when I had to leave the house.

I have been doing this for a friend that is a survivor for three years. Her team has grown double the size by now - it seems more and more people want to get involved or support her. It is fantastic. The past year, we have been walking, all of us.

But this year, it was a very split team. We had four timed runners, four untimed runners and the rest, the other half of them, were walking. I ran for the first time. And I have to say that I am so proud of myself. My last workout is like three months ago, I had not trained for this at all, but I did it. For 80 percent I was able to run and only for 20 percent I was walking, mostly the uphill parts. I even had some energy left to sprint to the finish line. Yeah for me. It took me about 41:30 minutes. Not to shabby!

Now I am looking forward to next year. Maybe I'll be able to train that I can be a timed runner. Would be just too nice....

Mud Pie – Vegan Chocolate Cake

(I would call it Brownies)

My aunt recently asked me for a brownie recipe. She has tried multiple ones that are all too dry - she doesn't like it. So she wants a wet Brownie recipe. I can help with that. And it is even healthier than the regular mixes. So here is a Vegan recipe that I found and tried out and edited a little to my liking. Yummy....

Ingredients

• 1 ½ cups flour
• 1 cup sugar
• ½ cup cocoa powder, unsweetened
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• ½ tsp. salt
• ⅓ cup oil (= 5 Tbsp. oil)--> I prefer using 3 T applesauce + 2 T oil (!)
  
• 1 cup water
• 1 tbsp. vinegar
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 F
2. Put all ingredients in one bowl and mix it all together until smooth
3. Pour mixture into greased 9” cake pan
4. Bake for 10-12 min.
5. Let cool, cut into 15 pieces

Can it be?

Dear Reader,

today I want to share my Mami pride and joy: my daughter's development. What I mean by that is how fast she seems to grow and mature. With the first child, one is so busy to catch every 'new' thing they do, trying to catch it on camera, writing it down in the memory book, following it with the 'the first year' book - whatever it is, we try to help that child along in every step. We try to encourage it and show him/her what needs to be learned.

With the second, it seems, things go all by themselves. I mean I was not that surprised when she walked early. But I am surprised that she decided - just last week - on her own (!) that she doesn't like baby food anymore - she refuses it every time I offer it. She only has like eight teeth, not enough to eat everything. But it seems not to bother her. She wants it all! And to top that, she doesn't want to be fed anymore. She gets so mad when you try to feed her that she actually knocks the bowl of cereal out of my hand. Yeah, she is a handful.

Then she picks up things that her brother does - I never thought this would happen. I am sure I am boring to all those moms with four kids but to me it is so amazing to see. She plays with cars, holds airplanes up in the air, puts blocks on top of others and tries to do puzzles. Coqui never played in sand before age two or so, she knows exactly what to do! On the playground, she is on top of it all. I mean she doesn't even glance at the small slide, no, she has to be on the tallest slide with brother and friends. Scary and amazing. She knows EXACTLY what she wants, that's for sure.

Proud Mami

Three Bean Salad - Vegan of course

A friend of mine has asked me for this recipe for a while, so here it is:

I created this on my own. because when I looked at other bean salads, or Mexican salads, I always missed something or didn't like some ingredients. So my own creation is really combining a couple of those recipes into one that I like. Also because I go nuts for edamame. It adds great protein value and color. It tastes delicious.

Ingredients:
1 cup red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup edamame, thawed and rinsed and drained
1/2 cup water
1 medium tomato, chopped
1 medium onion (red), chopped
1/2 green (and/or red and yellow) pepper, chopped
2 tablespoons minced fresh basil, or a tablespoon dried basil
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley, or 1 tablespoon dried parsley
2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
1 clove crushed garlic
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

Directions:
Combine all above ingredients in a large bowl, stir, cover and refrigerate for about four hours. It is not a must, but having it soak up the sauce/dressing for a little while is a good idea, just for a better taste.

Silent Advertising

Yesterday, we flew back home from our mini vacation - by Southwest Airlines. We love them and they are a great airline. They are cheap, your bags fly for free - well, at least you don't have to pay extra for them - and one gets drinks and snacks, complementary - which seems to be rare these days. I mean, flying has become (almost) a luxury! One has to pay for the (sometimes very expensive) tickets, for the bags, for the snacks, etc. Next thing will be the air on the plane! Or the use of the bathroom. Seriously, it is not fun. And the airlines still complain about loosing costs and lack of profits. How? I wonder.

So when we took this fantastic airline to come home, we saw something unbelievable. Apparently, flying on Halloween - celebrating it or not - you get a free drink, I mean the alcoholic kind. So the hubby and I asked the flight attendant, if that is for real. Because of course there is lots of small print involved, one of them saying: "if supply last". We were sure that they had nothing left of that supply on an afternoon flight. But the guy 'sighed' and then said yes. So we enjoyed our very free, very strong drink. It was awesome.