The pure medical side of it...

Today I want to talk about what they we went through for this surrogacy. Well right there, the term is quite wrong, as we did not have a surrogate but a gestational carrier. But I'll get to that later. I have to warn you, this is very technical...

Due to my radical hysterectomy, I don't have an uterus anymore. So naturally, I am no longer able to become pregnant or carry a child. Oh yes, that was very hard to digest when you are in the middle of your best years to become a family or have the existing one growing. But thank God to my very good oncologist, I still have my ovaries. And those are very important, as it is here where the eggs are situated and from where they decent to the uterus, either to create a baby or to have your monthly visitor coming. A woman, or baby girl, is born with ALL the eggs and those are inactive until puberty. So I still have some hundreds of eggs inside of me, so I am not that infertile as I first thought I might be. There was hope...

So we just had to use a carrier to carry our baby - kind of borrowing someone's 'oven' for 'only' about nine months. Anybody??? This person is called a Gestational Carrier, rather than a surrogate, as we are using our own eggs and sperm and not hers! They also call it sometimes host uterus, which is really what it is in our case - referring back to the borrowed 'oven'.

First, they had to find where my cycle is, because I don't have monthly menstruation anymore. Then they had to stimulate my egg production, to take out as many eggs as possible. Yes, I had to take some drugs to do so, fertility drugs, by injection, but to my surprise, it did not hurt as much as I anticipated it. (You have to know that I am terrified by needles, and usually have to be laid down when blood is drawn!) I had to go to the clinic multiple times, even daily, to get blood drawn and have ultrasounds to determine how many eggs there were and how big they are.

Here I want to stop the technicalities for a moment and share an incident that kind of made me mad at the time, but now I can smile about it. One time, I was laying on the table to have a technician do the ultrasound. This is a very good example of when the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. Because this lady was looking and looking and starting to hurt me digging this instrument deeper inside me. Usually I am very quiet because you know those people have a degree for what they are doing, so I figured this person knows what she is looking for. But after a while I got concerned, so I asked her what was the matter. And in all sincerity, she said she is looking for my uterus. Can you believe that? So I told her that I don't have one anymore, and that's the reason why we are at a fertility clinic! Unbelievable.

So back to the real deal: by the size of the eggs, my day of retrieval was decided upon. At the same time, our carrier was taking her daily share of medications, both injections and oral ones, and had to be monitored as well, but not as often. For some reason, my eggs took two days longer than usual, but that was not a problem for the carrier. Retrieval of the eggs is done through a small one-hour-procedure, under narcoses.
Once they removed my eggs, they fertilized them with the partner's sperm and waited to see how many take on and how many don't. In my case, they removed nine eggs, four were lost in the process, five took the sperm. After a couple of days, only two more were left. On the day of the transfer, one of the fertilized eggs were put into our carrier. (It was her will to only use one egg, she was afraid of having to carry multiples.) And now we had to wait fourteen days that felt like forever!!!.......

That day, the carrier had to go to the clinic to have a pregnancy test done and some blood drawn. She had to go back home and waited with us until the end of the day.... Oh, we were all sitting like on fire. Finally, the call came and..... (drum roll)... we were pregnant!!! Yeah....

We have one fertilized egg, well an embryo, waiting in the freezer. We have to see what will happen to this little fellow....

First Appointment

So after we made contact with this awesome person, we started to get to know each other better. I mean we had known each other for four years, but more like 'hi' and 'bye', and not much else. It is sad, but that how life is sometimes.

She has two kids of her own, and the younger is only two months younger than Coqui - so they actually got to know each other as well.

She was willing to do the most awesome thing somebody can do for someone else! But we love her not just for that! At that point, none of us knew what to expect. So it was kind of scary, but at the same time, also exciting. It brought us closer together as a family, and with the extended family. So I hope it will be a blessing throughout the entire process...

As the first step, we made an appointment with the clinic - I won't mention its name. This appointment with the doctor was just pure information gathering from both sides. We wanted to know what is all involved in such a process. And the doctor, of course, wants to know our medical history. So it was set for mid-/ late September last year.

After the appointment, we felt we learned some stuff but not all.... it was a little disappointing. They asked us a lot of questions, especially us. By the way, we are considered 'donors' - ask how we feel about that!!! Well, not very good, as this is our child, and always will be our child. That is quite a bummer.... Also we learned, that our case is actually pretty 'easy' - as none of us have any abnormalities, medically spoken of course. Besides the fact, that I can not do this on my own. Which is sad for me... but I will get to my own feelings in a little while.

New Hope

Today I want to talk about why there is new hope.

Not that there weren't any in between, but it was sad and frustrating at times. We know that God was always near us, but it didn't feel like it at times. So in August 2008, we came to New Jersey to celebrate my son's, Coqui, 2nd birthday with the entire family. Also every year - I mean there were only two so far - I write a letter to family and friends to update everyone about what is going on in Coqui's life. The first year's letter was full of all the firsts a newborn goes through. Last year's letter was like that, too. Unfortunately, we had to add the cancer story as well.
And as sad as we were, we always had some hope, and faith, I guess. In writing this letter, I think I got a message from God. As I know I couldn't have come up with that much faith and knowledge on my own. Somehow I knew that there will be a person sent by God to help us. I didn't know in which way, nor when it would happen.
So I sent the letter out, and got a couple of responses. Until one day..... that miracle that we had hoped for was about to become reality.... I mean, I remember our old Pastor saying once: "If you need a miracle, expect a miracle." And within a month of receiving this message, I got finally pregnant with Coqui. But I also know that it doesn't always work.... does it? well, the God I know works wonders and miracles, so.....

So back to this new hope miracle. My mother-in-law received a phone call from someone from the family. And when she told me afterwards what that person had proposed to us, I was absolutely in shock. She was willing to carry our baby for us..... WOW.
I hadn't expected that, especially that fast.... but my.... I didn't know what to say or what to think....

After the first contact was made - not that we didn't know each other, but it was very different circumstances this time - we sat down and talked for a loooong time. It was like so surreal... it was exciting and scary at the same time. But most of all, we felt soooo thankful for the Lord's answer to prayers. Because without Him, we wouldn't be where we are now...

Oh Lord, you always provide. You are so awesome! Even when we encounter life's trials, you never stop loving us - but we forget.... I am asking you to forgive me for ever doubting you. Because we should know that you only put us through trials we can handle... and those trials are there to show us the wonders of your hands. It is amazing that a cancer story turned out to be a blessing for two families - none of them could have ever expected to experience. We are so thankful for His work. Lord, I am in awe of you....

Amen.